Its Sunday afternoon ...already. just a moment ago, before I yawned, it was Thursday and I was waiting effortfully for the weekend to arrive. And now its been and gone, and i dont feel rejuvinated whatsoever.arrg. I suppose this is the plight of mothers all around the world, constant lack of sleep, and hoping to catch some much needed cat-nips here are there never summount to enough of anything to relieve me of this constant yawning syndrome.
Its raining, and its bloomin cold. I have a thermometer and it reads 25, but I swear its 18...if it were any colder I am sure I could see my breadth mist and relive a moment from good old wellington or dunedin even!!
where did me weekend go? standing by at the resturaunt, while the chef goes to a fogo. dont worry, just call me (on one of 2 mobiles..digicel or go mobile of course) if anyone shows. someone did, called, switched off, dead. so I decided to don the chefs apron, with the help of my nervous wreck of a worker who has some phobia of meeting strangers..and yet has been working at a hotel for the last 10 years almost...I cooked. almost blew a fuse because, two people wanted eggs and there were only 3 left -grrrr(so 1.5 each???) thats because we had omeletts for dinner last night, so omelette times 4 men and me = no more eggs in the resturaunt. had to improvise and made them scrambled with alot of milk (dont worry all ye customers out there reading this, this will NEVER happen again i promise) then they wanted sausages and there were NO SUASAGES..shit. so gave them ham instead...they were pleased. but. where were all the sausages?? "we finished them all with that big order we did for who a who...remember''...yes darlin, that was exactly 7 days ago. 200m down the road is a shop that sells sausages...RESTOCK..eh. this is why the kitchen in all those hells kitchen shows are 80degrees and everyone is yelling. i dont usually work here but i wanted to yell, but didnt really want to yell at our nervous wreck of a worker incase she died of shock- and then i would not only have to cook, but serve as well. In her defence she doesnt usually have to wait on the customers, but our usual waitress up and left of indefinite maternity leave. just the day before and we have yet to find a substitute.
work.has been much the same. The sermon today was great at church. was about the church as a hospital for those with 'illnesses' or the spirit etc, but he also touched on the attitude of patients at the local hospital, and how everyone gets angry at the doc for showing up a 9am (when they all arrived on the 6am bus of their own accord) despite knowing the doc has to do rounds first, and the fact that if its a young doc, people feel they have the right to abuse (verbally) to vent their anger at the doc. Im the only young doc at the hospital and that is certainly me. luckily, unlike the doc in the sermon that gets frustrated at the patients and takes the day off abandoning them ( i would love to do that) i have mastered the 'walk the death plank' walk through the patients to get to the clinic door, with my 'eyes fixed firmly on a spot on the door and 200miles per hour walk' that sees me jet from the corridor to the clinic with only so much as a 'eh' being heard....yay. on a bad day, i.e if its wet and i cant master the 200mlPH pace, i hear all the 'magaia a guku a le foma'i lea e...., & fiu se e faakali...and 'la'a kuu a makou e vaai e inkia...' dang it, spoils my day.BUT OH WELL. i should get a shirt made with "the more you complain, the shorter i plan to work at this hospital'- then you can keep seeing your inkias (who are good by the way) whose only fault is the extent of their explanations due to language barriers means all you get is 'inu vai lea, tolu aso, fa' and not my dramatic drawings of what your liver and gallbladder look like and how blood gets circulated and how clots and strokes develop, and short tutorials on how to take your inhalers properly and what the signs of a heart attack are. yes. i love my work sometimes, but not the part where people throw dirt at my for their own impatience.
thats about all. gonna go try to enjoy the rest of my sunday:)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
overdue ramblings
A good friend of mine wrote recently that she has a dozen unfinished drafts of blogs yet to be posted. I find I am in the same boat, with an 11monther under my belt, have just had no time to edit clean and post half a dozen episodes of drama, disaster and just the usual everyday Savaii Banter! So here are snippets of a few.
4 days of freedom??
Last week the hubby and I decided to take the little one (and ourselves YAY!) over to Apia to visit the folks (my family yay!!) after I cant even remember now, how many months. EXCITEMENT set in!! of course, so many things I needed (?wanted to do) such as- get a hair cut and colour, maybe even a facial massage, buy some overdue new clothes/bras/knickers/cutlery/nice vegetables including pepper/capsicum/avocadoes/and even ripe banana…cause the folks down at salelologa market just don’t seem interested in selling those things (yes, even ripe bananas..Oh and niu!!) I guess most people here are within a few meters of banana trees so if you want to eat a ripe one just go look for an older aufa’I and not actually expect to buy one.
Yes, also need some new cutlery/ toys for Adria some seasoning for cooking some DVDs some stationary and the list goes on. Need to catch up with a million friends go to the movies/restaurants/cafés and all those fancy things that the lucky city dwellers get to do (that I adored doing!!).
Alas the weekend came, and like a Samoan at a buffet table, I think my eyes were bigger then my stomach cos I didn’t even do half the things I wanted. I managed to do a little shopping (cutlery/bras) caught up with 2 friends- who were all long overdue happy hour at the millennia, we all got a bit toasted on a mere 3 glasses of assorted drinks (baileys pinacolada and midori)- shows how long its been, what a shame!! Tried to get the hubby to do some shopping, but on one of our days there he just slept ALL day (because he went to the airport and drinking the night before) grrr…although I managed to leave baby with him for a few hours and went visiting my relies! Yay! now I’m back in Savaii, regretting that I've still got the same boring as eyesore of a wardrobe …so uninvitingly beckoning me to sift through and mix and match the same 4 tops 3 skirts and 6 pants/shorts to work/home etc etc etc.no new veges no café try outs or restaurant reviews no new movies conquered (and I used to be such a cinema junkie…all the latest movies!) the same mangoes from under the old mango tree…now convincing myself to just buy a whole unripe aufa’I from the market and string it up and faapula it just to appease my appetite. eh, don’t know when we are going to be quiet enough with home/work to make it over again…to top it off someone said to go to a certain little ‘guest fale’ restaurant cos they do food like sunrise (yay) and yea, whatever, go in last night and they have falai I’a and se-a and rice on the menu. And when I ask about the sunrise-like food (sweet n sour egg fu young etc ) they made such a big deal of it- they meaning the girl at the restaurant, the owners son who I was referred to, the owner who I eventually got sent up to the office to see to discuss my ‘makaupu’with! It’s like goddamit I just want some takeaway sweet-sour and eggfuyong like someone told me you serve last week. In the end they made it, made me come back in a hour- a take away plate with servings half the size of sunrise, of egg fu yong, sweet n sour 1 small drumstick a piece of taro and coleslaw for $25!!Hmmm…it didn’t taste that bad though so I guess Ill give em that! Dont think I'm going back though….
Work
Is a b_$#@!some days so much so that I wish everyone got exposed to a gas that made us speak freely, speak our minds and only speak the truth!!Lies, people here lie so much is gets a bit draining at times. Not everyone so ill try not to make it a generalisation, but a lot of people. People with boils the size of their own heads saying “it just popped up yesterday!” BS, kids so dehydrated from weeks of illness at the fofo- who “afukua Ma’I a ananafi” yea whatever. Babies with skin sepsis, sores and scars and boils all over that mums apparently “just noticed last night” It just makes me want to rip my hair out because occasionally, this information is actually useful for me, to try to figure out what kind of bug you have, and how to treat it. But everyone is so paranoid that they’ll look like they have neglected their kids themselves their older parents (which is EXACTLY what they were doing they just don’t want to admit to it and always want to appear as if they are saints) they lie through their teeth again and again it makes me want to stand outside and yell “SINNERS you are ALL SINNERS!” yes, and then everyone will think I am crazy. But that’s ok. If it means less people come to me, that’s ok, because it doesn’t please me to have to see 100 people a day. 50 would be better.
4 days of freedom??
Last week the hubby and I decided to take the little one (and ourselves YAY!) over to Apia to visit the folks (my family yay!!) after I cant even remember now, how many months. EXCITEMENT set in!! of course, so many things I needed (?wanted to do) such as- get a hair cut and colour, maybe even a facial massage, buy some overdue new clothes/bras/knickers/cutlery/nice vegetables including pepper/capsicum/avocadoes/and even ripe banana…cause the folks down at salelologa market just don’t seem interested in selling those things (yes, even ripe bananas..Oh and niu!!) I guess most people here are within a few meters of banana trees so if you want to eat a ripe one just go look for an older aufa’I and not actually expect to buy one.
Yes, also need some new cutlery/ toys for Adria some seasoning for cooking some DVDs some stationary and the list goes on. Need to catch up with a million friends go to the movies/restaurants/cafés and all those fancy things that the lucky city dwellers get to do (that I adored doing!!).
Alas the weekend came, and like a Samoan at a buffet table, I think my eyes were bigger then my stomach cos I didn’t even do half the things I wanted. I managed to do a little shopping (cutlery/bras) caught up with 2 friends- who were all long overdue happy hour at the millennia, we all got a bit toasted on a mere 3 glasses of assorted drinks (baileys pinacolada and midori)- shows how long its been, what a shame!! Tried to get the hubby to do some shopping, but on one of our days there he just slept ALL day (because he went to the airport and drinking the night before) grrr…although I managed to leave baby with him for a few hours and went visiting my relies! Yay! now I’m back in Savaii, regretting that I've still got the same boring as eyesore of a wardrobe …so uninvitingly beckoning me to sift through and mix and match the same 4 tops 3 skirts and 6 pants/shorts to work/home etc etc etc.no new veges no café try outs or restaurant reviews no new movies conquered (and I used to be such a cinema junkie…all the latest movies!) the same mangoes from under the old mango tree…now convincing myself to just buy a whole unripe aufa’I from the market and string it up and faapula it just to appease my appetite. eh, don’t know when we are going to be quiet enough with home/work to make it over again…to top it off someone said to go to a certain little ‘guest fale’ restaurant cos they do food like sunrise (yay) and yea, whatever, go in last night and they have falai I’a and se-a and rice on the menu. And when I ask about the sunrise-like food (sweet n sour egg fu young etc ) they made such a big deal of it- they meaning the girl at the restaurant, the owners son who I was referred to, the owner who I eventually got sent up to the office to see to discuss my ‘makaupu’with! It’s like goddamit I just want some takeaway sweet-sour and eggfuyong like someone told me you serve last week. In the end they made it, made me come back in a hour- a take away plate with servings half the size of sunrise, of egg fu yong, sweet n sour 1 small drumstick a piece of taro and coleslaw for $25!!Hmmm…it didn’t taste that bad though so I guess Ill give em that! Dont think I'm going back though….
Work
Is a b_$#@!some days so much so that I wish everyone got exposed to a gas that made us speak freely, speak our minds and only speak the truth!!Lies, people here lie so much is gets a bit draining at times. Not everyone so ill try not to make it a generalisation, but a lot of people. People with boils the size of their own heads saying “it just popped up yesterday!” BS, kids so dehydrated from weeks of illness at the fofo- who “afukua Ma’I a ananafi” yea whatever. Babies with skin sepsis, sores and scars and boils all over that mums apparently “just noticed last night” It just makes me want to rip my hair out because occasionally, this information is actually useful for me, to try to figure out what kind of bug you have, and how to treat it. But everyone is so paranoid that they’ll look like they have neglected their kids themselves their older parents (which is EXACTLY what they were doing they just don’t want to admit to it and always want to appear as if they are saints) they lie through their teeth again and again it makes me want to stand outside and yell “SINNERS you are ALL SINNERS!” yes, and then everyone will think I am crazy. But that’s ok. If it means less people come to me, that’s ok, because it doesn’t please me to have to see 100 people a day. 50 would be better.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
you can take a solofanua to the water, but you cant make it drink...
Today I fought with a priest. Not physically but well lets just say ‘exchanged words’, me and his relatives. I kicked myself for not having improved my Samoan after all these years, I can speak the basic lingo but I know that when it comes to being polite I can be far from it at times…knowing only to say “se’i tulou” before I mention sh*t poos wees and vomit…
And to think, me and a priest. I think I can be excused but a priest?hmm..Not so sure.
I knew when I restarted work that I would come into contact with the same frustrations I fought in Upolu. It’s not the place but the people. The same, occasionally, (not everyone) ill informed overly superstitious and ignorant (and excuse me but basically stupid) persons….in charge of small sick children who cannot look after themselves and are at the mercy of idiots. I cried on our round today, not once or twice but maybe a good 5 times I had to walk out and go to the bathroom. I’m not sure if it was the anger, anger that these people just didn’t seem to “get” what I was explaining, warning and begging them to beware of, or the sadness I had for the child at the mercy of these morons. At the centre of this scandal is a 4yr old boy. He’s been sick likely a full two weeks at home. He has the clear picture of typhoid sepsis; typhoid at most rears its ugly head as a brief stint of stomach ailments and fevers, but at its worse can ravage ones body to the point of dehydration, inflamed bowels, bleeding, and shock. This kid was rushed into ED at that point. He probably had a good 2 cups of fluid left in his body, had profuse uncontrollable diarrhoea, was just lying there oblivious to anyone groaning in pain esp. if anyone got anywhere near his tummy, had a glazed look over his eyes, that look of impending death. We had to quickly get some fluid into him and then started our treatment for him.
It was soon discovered that he had been quite unwell for a good week at home at the mercy of a fofo, being fed all sorts of rubbish (well…all the traditional remedies, some of which are probably ok for fever and mild viral infections but not for major illnesses) likely forced down his throat as he could not even eat or swallow anything of his own accord. I explained to the family our likely diagnosis and then need for careful but rigorous treatment which in his case would be for no less then 14 days. After only a day and a bit in hosp, the family are wanting to take him home. His dehydration is corrected but the kid is still very sick, unable to eat or drink, walk or talk is still delirious - we were contemplating sending him over to Apia for close monitoring and further treatment there. The reason they want to take him??? Nobody can (be bothered to) stay and look after him in hosp. The father (the priest) was busy with church/village activities, the mother has other children and commitments at home, the grandmother (who is actually at the root of all evil in this case) has to go to NZ for something in 2 days so has to go prepare blab la. On informing them that the kid is still critically ill the grandmother starts huffing and puffing and going on about him not being any better, he was better off at home (were he was literally dying of dehydration) in the background there are murmurs of taking him back to a fofo. Bla bla. I begged the father to put his son first, above all his other commitments and duties (if I could say what I was actually thinking in my head it would be along the lines of “are you f*#n crazy? Your son is dying and you want to go prepare for Sunday mass??”) I told him his village could wait they would understand his child is critically unwell, I begged the stupid grandmother who was insistent he was ‘better of at home and its not typhoid it’s some Samoan disease affecting his throat’. I wanted to yell at her and tell her to get lost cos I could see the father actually wanted to the kid to stay but was being pressured by this crazy woman (his mother in law).
To cut a long story short I lost the battle, no amount of tears -:to give us one more day to try to get him at least well enough to drink (I mean what the hell are they going to do at home if he cant drink?? They’re going to choke him with some moronic concoction because he is too delirious to swallow that’s what) no amount of begging, no amount of threatening (along the lines of “it’ll be on your head if your kid dies, not at the will of god cause god has taught us how to cure this and you are making the decision to not let us carry this out…not god”) no amount of quiet encouragement and pleading could change their minds. They just stared at me blankly as if not a word I said registered, and then asked for the self discharge form to sign. It’s so true that saying you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. No amount of persuasion, pleading begging and beating could make this horse drink. And it just tore me up inside. Why the hell did the even bring the kid to hospital for?? It’s like oh we’ll give this a go and now they’ve decided they can’t be bothered or aren’t patient enough to await the desired result (cure) and have made a really ill informed decision.
I cried today because I hurt for the child who suffers. Because he has no voice. No voice to say no, lets not do that, I want to live. I cried because they wouldn’t listen to me. Most times in my profession you say something, and people listen. Most people here know very little about anatomy and disease, so giving them knowledge, to me is like giving them power. The power to understand and make informed choices. Why wouldn’t they listen?? I cried because the father was weak, to weak to stand up to his mother in law, he is a leader of a congregation but below his mother-in-law’s whiplash of a tongue he is a child, obeying whatever she says. I cried in advance, for this kid’s funeral. I will pray for a miracle, that that is not the end result for this child. I pray that hopefully the short course of treatment we have given might see him come out of the woodwork tomorrow. I pray that he will return to the happy cheerful and healthy child he once was. And i pray that the people of Samoa (not everyone, but the ones who need it) grow some brains and some balls.
And to think, me and a priest. I think I can be excused but a priest?hmm..Not so sure.
I knew when I restarted work that I would come into contact with the same frustrations I fought in Upolu. It’s not the place but the people. The same, occasionally, (not everyone) ill informed overly superstitious and ignorant (and excuse me but basically stupid) persons….in charge of small sick children who cannot look after themselves and are at the mercy of idiots. I cried on our round today, not once or twice but maybe a good 5 times I had to walk out and go to the bathroom. I’m not sure if it was the anger, anger that these people just didn’t seem to “get” what I was explaining, warning and begging them to beware of, or the sadness I had for the child at the mercy of these morons. At the centre of this scandal is a 4yr old boy. He’s been sick likely a full two weeks at home. He has the clear picture of typhoid sepsis; typhoid at most rears its ugly head as a brief stint of stomach ailments and fevers, but at its worse can ravage ones body to the point of dehydration, inflamed bowels, bleeding, and shock. This kid was rushed into ED at that point. He probably had a good 2 cups of fluid left in his body, had profuse uncontrollable diarrhoea, was just lying there oblivious to anyone groaning in pain esp. if anyone got anywhere near his tummy, had a glazed look over his eyes, that look of impending death. We had to quickly get some fluid into him and then started our treatment for him.
It was soon discovered that he had been quite unwell for a good week at home at the mercy of a fofo, being fed all sorts of rubbish (well…all the traditional remedies, some of which are probably ok for fever and mild viral infections but not for major illnesses) likely forced down his throat as he could not even eat or swallow anything of his own accord. I explained to the family our likely diagnosis and then need for careful but rigorous treatment which in his case would be for no less then 14 days. After only a day and a bit in hosp, the family are wanting to take him home. His dehydration is corrected but the kid is still very sick, unable to eat or drink, walk or talk is still delirious - we were contemplating sending him over to Apia for close monitoring and further treatment there. The reason they want to take him??? Nobody can (be bothered to) stay and look after him in hosp. The father (the priest) was busy with church/village activities, the mother has other children and commitments at home, the grandmother (who is actually at the root of all evil in this case) has to go to NZ for something in 2 days so has to go prepare blab la. On informing them that the kid is still critically ill the grandmother starts huffing and puffing and going on about him not being any better, he was better off at home (were he was literally dying of dehydration) in the background there are murmurs of taking him back to a fofo. Bla bla. I begged the father to put his son first, above all his other commitments and duties (if I could say what I was actually thinking in my head it would be along the lines of “are you f*#n crazy? Your son is dying and you want to go prepare for Sunday mass??”) I told him his village could wait they would understand his child is critically unwell, I begged the stupid grandmother who was insistent he was ‘better of at home and its not typhoid it’s some Samoan disease affecting his throat’. I wanted to yell at her and tell her to get lost cos I could see the father actually wanted to the kid to stay but was being pressured by this crazy woman (his mother in law).
To cut a long story short I lost the battle, no amount of tears -:to give us one more day to try to get him at least well enough to drink (I mean what the hell are they going to do at home if he cant drink?? They’re going to choke him with some moronic concoction because he is too delirious to swallow that’s what) no amount of begging, no amount of threatening (along the lines of “it’ll be on your head if your kid dies, not at the will of god cause god has taught us how to cure this and you are making the decision to not let us carry this out…not god”) no amount of quiet encouragement and pleading could change their minds. They just stared at me blankly as if not a word I said registered, and then asked for the self discharge form to sign. It’s so true that saying you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. No amount of persuasion, pleading begging and beating could make this horse drink. And it just tore me up inside. Why the hell did the even bring the kid to hospital for?? It’s like oh we’ll give this a go and now they’ve decided they can’t be bothered or aren’t patient enough to await the desired result (cure) and have made a really ill informed decision.
I cried today because I hurt for the child who suffers. Because he has no voice. No voice to say no, lets not do that, I want to live. I cried because they wouldn’t listen to me. Most times in my profession you say something, and people listen. Most people here know very little about anatomy and disease, so giving them knowledge, to me is like giving them power. The power to understand and make informed choices. Why wouldn’t they listen?? I cried because the father was weak, to weak to stand up to his mother in law, he is a leader of a congregation but below his mother-in-law’s whiplash of a tongue he is a child, obeying whatever she says. I cried in advance, for this kid’s funeral. I will pray for a miracle, that that is not the end result for this child. I pray that hopefully the short course of treatment we have given might see him come out of the woodwork tomorrow. I pray that he will return to the happy cheerful and healthy child he once was. And i pray that the people of Samoa (not everyone, but the ones who need it) grow some brains and some balls.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
poverty???
If someone once said that Poverty does not exist in Samoa, I would challenge them to think again. I guess poverty is defined on so many different levels that at first glance you would think, yes well we don’t have anorexic starving people dying on the side of the road, but if you want to see where poverty presents itself, step into my shoes for a day or two.
Today I watched a young mother cry, as she dutifully held her son down for me while I stuck needles and Iv lines into him. Her kid,only just one year old, had been at home for the last week at the mercy of a toxic infection ravaging his weak little body. They only now present to the hospital a whole week after they had noticed a huge red swelling on the side of his neck, and had tried conservative traditional remedies (fofo etc) until it had gotten to the point where at a glance you could see the kid was so different from his usual self. Lethargic weary, unable to smile, barely able to hold his head up. At first it made me angry- was she stupid?? The mum?? Now that I am a mum myself and am fiercely protective over my daughter to the point where I would love to carry around some dettol spray to spray on the hands on anyone who wants to hold her(!!!) I feel passionately for kids who are still unable to really look after theirselves, they are at the mercy of their (?sometimes stupid??) parents. I thought what they hell were they thinking leaving it this long?? Perhaps they didn’t know any better (that this could easily track near more precious organs such as his BRAIN ) but surely one could see from the look of the kid and the size and tenderness of the swelling that he was pretty sick. In the end it all boiled down to money. They live far away. No ones earns a paid job, they live from hand to mouth, from what they reap and sow in the earth around them. They couldn’t afford a busfare. They had wanted to come earlier but had to wait, beg and borrow to get a few measly bucks perhaps almost too late, to get to the hospital. That’s what it boiled down to. And I could see in the mothers teary eyes that this was the truth. You’d think but surely that can not be. Surely there were neighbours someone who could have given them money a ride earlier or they had a stash somewhere?? I am quickly finding out that in some parts of Samoa, money is like gold, precious and rare.
Almost every patient today who wanted a repeat script for their usual medications had already run out 2 weeks prior (thus were flying without a pilot (medications) for a while) Thus they were yet again at the mercy of scoring blood pressures and uncontrollable blood sugars…by the 20th person it was beginning to piss me off, how so careless they were, why didn’t they come in earlier like we always tell them (get your repeat medications BEFORE you run out) so I let one slip and sarcastically asked someone if they were TRYING to give themselves a ‘stroke’ by coming so late ( I know- it was a weak moment and I will regret it forever) the person then very quietly responded with a quivering voice that they were sorry, they knew they should have come earlier but this was the soonest they could get any busfare and come…I felt my heart crack. Thinking about it too, a lot of these patients do actually travel from the other side of the island…so that would be a good 10 bucks return which is a lot of money for some people. Then they get here and I prescribe them 3 months worth of meds, and the useless pharmacy who never seem to have enough stock give them only 6 weeks worth, so that this poor person has to look again for busfare they cannot afford again, sooner then actually necessary.
These people may not be starving, but when they are sick…they often can not afford to look after themselves, often its too little too late…and people die from tragically simple things…simple infections, simple conditions...that could have easily been treated/prevented.Tis a sad but true storey in my beloved homeland And I hope one day things will change, our services will improve to meet this need & people will have access to these basic neccessaties in life.
Today I watched a young mother cry, as she dutifully held her son down for me while I stuck needles and Iv lines into him. Her kid,only just one year old, had been at home for the last week at the mercy of a toxic infection ravaging his weak little body. They only now present to the hospital a whole week after they had noticed a huge red swelling on the side of his neck, and had tried conservative traditional remedies (fofo etc) until it had gotten to the point where at a glance you could see the kid was so different from his usual self. Lethargic weary, unable to smile, barely able to hold his head up. At first it made me angry- was she stupid?? The mum?? Now that I am a mum myself and am fiercely protective over my daughter to the point where I would love to carry around some dettol spray to spray on the hands on anyone who wants to hold her(!!!) I feel passionately for kids who are still unable to really look after theirselves, they are at the mercy of their (?sometimes stupid??) parents. I thought what they hell were they thinking leaving it this long?? Perhaps they didn’t know any better (that this could easily track near more precious organs such as his BRAIN ) but surely one could see from the look of the kid and the size and tenderness of the swelling that he was pretty sick. In the end it all boiled down to money. They live far away. No ones earns a paid job, they live from hand to mouth, from what they reap and sow in the earth around them. They couldn’t afford a busfare. They had wanted to come earlier but had to wait, beg and borrow to get a few measly bucks perhaps almost too late, to get to the hospital. That’s what it boiled down to. And I could see in the mothers teary eyes that this was the truth. You’d think but surely that can not be. Surely there were neighbours someone who could have given them money a ride earlier or they had a stash somewhere?? I am quickly finding out that in some parts of Samoa, money is like gold, precious and rare.
Almost every patient today who wanted a repeat script for their usual medications had already run out 2 weeks prior (thus were flying without a pilot (medications) for a while) Thus they were yet again at the mercy of scoring blood pressures and uncontrollable blood sugars…by the 20th person it was beginning to piss me off, how so careless they were, why didn’t they come in earlier like we always tell them (get your repeat medications BEFORE you run out) so I let one slip and sarcastically asked someone if they were TRYING to give themselves a ‘stroke’ by coming so late ( I know- it was a weak moment and I will regret it forever) the person then very quietly responded with a quivering voice that they were sorry, they knew they should have come earlier but this was the soonest they could get any busfare and come…I felt my heart crack. Thinking about it too, a lot of these patients do actually travel from the other side of the island…so that would be a good 10 bucks return which is a lot of money for some people. Then they get here and I prescribe them 3 months worth of meds, and the useless pharmacy who never seem to have enough stock give them only 6 weeks worth, so that this poor person has to look again for busfare they cannot afford again, sooner then actually necessary.
These people may not be starving, but when they are sick…they often can not afford to look after themselves, often its too little too late…and people die from tragically simple things…simple infections, simple conditions...that could have easily been treated/prevented.Tis a sad but true storey in my beloved homeland And I hope one day things will change, our services will improve to meet this need & people will have access to these basic neccessaties in life.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
whats going on....
Whats going on in my life today?? Well some might say not much, as it seems i have dropped off the face of the earth. That's because I am chillaxing in Savaii, my new home, and so you may not see me around (like everyone ever saw me when I was in Apia anyways har har..). But, Things are still going on, the brain is still ticking, and somebody is home..I haven't vanquished myself..and I'm still thinking of blogworthy things to write about all the time! yes, even in Savaii, there are great things to be shared with the world!!
A few days ago, I finally got a girl. At the mo, and for the next few months shes mainly just here to help me..but eventually shell be a stay at home babysitter when i finally (if ever) decide to haul my butt back to work! It has taken yonks to finally give in/find/scrutinize and finally allow someone to do the job she is doing.you know how there is that little voice in your head that they say you should listen to?? (or is it your heart?? well which ever..) Mines says NO NO NO...to having someone intrude into the little life of my precious, but the voices around me (yes I'm becoming schizophrenic) all say "so when are you going back to work?" " you really just need to do it " (go back to work) " we hear there aren't enough people at work" " SAvaii really needs you"...its like, aweee shucks..fine. (:) )Oh and "you must really miss it" (for that one, its like, yeaaaahh, nah not really, when youve worked in an environment that is constantly crazy/ hectic /busy and involves death and dying and angry patients and even angrier co-workers, getting to stay home bake a cake and then eat it too is just LUXUUURY !!LOL)
BUt, as always , in this profession, somehow there are certain issues that are just always 'morally wrong' (or so society says) .Its straight forward to me, in the end, its still a job, you pay for a service, and you cant expect me to work my head, heart, body and soul ...to the ground...I mean yes, its a good cause, but you know, the cause will always be there, and sometimes, you have to prioritise whats important in your life. The one that always gets me is "there was this emergency , and who and who was really ill, and they rushed to the hosp and there was no doctor"...now those stories always scare me, that's just wrong,I always think, now what if that were my mum, or my sister, or my grandma?? It should never happen, and if its because I ha vent hauled my ass back to work, well , I'm coming. Soon. In a few months.
Anyways, to get back to the point, having this girl, (the carer) in my house, has just been heartbreaking. I mean she is really good, no one says she isnt. Its just, she keeps wanting to si'i my daughter, and I'm like No...I'm here, i can sii her, you just go wipe a table or something (i know, how selfish, but I'm just feeling too attached right now to let anyone else in...and its just not fair...why cant i just stay at home forever, and enjoy the pleasures of my daughter growing up without growing slowly insane....) he he!
OK, so what else is going on, well, our neighbours have this boat. Its a fairly biggish boat that they go deep sea fishing for tuna etc here in the big island. Not too many people have them. But for freaks sake it is certainly on its last legs, and it dies, about 100yards out from their make shift doc (behind their house) which always puts it about 30yards from my house, every single time they come home. And for an hour theres banging and hammering, and yelps and more banging. They keep telling us later the motor died, and gawd only knows what the heck they are doing with all that banging to fix it.Must be the old Samoan remedy of 'just keep hitting it ' til it comes back on.:) (se'i malepe le mea then we'll ask those guys in NZ/Aust/Pago to buy a new one!) Anyways, its always far too early in the morning and it wakes the baby, and I'm about ready to throw a hammer at someones head on the boat one morning (and go Oops, thought you might need one! sorry)
so yesterday the boat dies a little further out, beyond the reef, and its just kinda drifting and i guess the banging doesn't work. So what do they do, here's one to laugh at. They approach my husband about a boat they can just make out thru a hole in their fence and ours that they've been spying on i guess, with a tiny little motor, like smaller then a lawnmower, like maybe a weed eater size..its a little dingy, like it has oars that your meant to paddle around in, like just bigger then a kayak. And they want us to go out and haul them back in. Now their boat is like huuuuuge and our dingy is like tiny and i just couldn't see how they could figure our little thingy could haul them in with out killing the motor and breaking the boat in half, but that is soo typical of our people. They don't really have that thought in mind, alot of them really do have a use and abuse mentality, esp if they've had all their material possessions sent from overseas relatives and have never had to break a sweat over getting things for themselves.They dont really know the value of things coz, theyll just get someone else to go out and 'buy them another one' when it breaks...as an excuse.
These same neighbours keep asking us for tools too. not just a hammer and saw, they want our power tools our industrial drills and saws and chainsaws and lawnmowers...because, well, they got some but theyre broke/lost/dead/filed down/blunt from abuse....and so they would like to now demolish our tools thanks. Luckily, the boats motor was dead so we couldn't help them out there, and sorry all our tools are being used right now coz we're building a house (they are also building a house, but they can see we are building a house..what they want us to share??we build in morning they build in evening??)
A couple of nights ago, this same family, approached us, and asked us for 3 grand , to borrow of course, cos like, that's the kinda money we just have growing on the mango tree outside. anyways, the funny part is when asked what its for, they said their close rely in NZ got a call from a man from Nokia cell phone company who told her she had won $600,000.00 dollars and she had to send them 3 grand as a process fee in order for her to get her prize.(like if it were for real they couldnt just cut the 3 grand from the 6 hundred THOUSAND dollars theyve supposedly won??) Of course, she didn't even enter any draw or anything- does this not sound like a S-C-A-M to you?? well, we politely said sorry, we didn't have the money, then tried to explain that this sounded dodgy and it was likely a scam. however, i think they're still not over the excitement and persistently insisted it was for real cos the nokia man called them in person..yea, the nokia guy from Zimbabwe whos sitting at a computer calling a million people trying to see who'll be idiotic enough to send him money. Anyways, they walked away with a "just wait til we're rich, then you'll be sorry" attitude and we both hope they don't find someone to lend them the money, cos its only gonna bite them in the butt.
So you see, interesting things do happen here, ...Ill keep you posted!
A few days ago, I finally got a girl. At the mo, and for the next few months shes mainly just here to help me..but eventually shell be a stay at home babysitter when i finally (if ever) decide to haul my butt back to work! It has taken yonks to finally give in/find/scrutinize and finally allow someone to do the job she is doing.you know how there is that little voice in your head that they say you should listen to?? (or is it your heart?? well which ever..) Mines says NO NO NO...to having someone intrude into the little life of my precious, but the voices around me (yes I'm becoming schizophrenic) all say "so when are you going back to work?" " you really just need to do it " (go back to work) " we hear there aren't enough people at work" " SAvaii really needs you"...its like, aweee shucks..fine. (:) )Oh and "you must really miss it" (for that one, its like, yeaaaahh, nah not really, when youve worked in an environment that is constantly crazy/ hectic /busy and involves death and dying and angry patients and even angrier co-workers, getting to stay home bake a cake and then eat it too is just LUXUUURY !!LOL)
BUt, as always , in this profession, somehow there are certain issues that are just always 'morally wrong' (or so society says) .Its straight forward to me, in the end, its still a job, you pay for a service, and you cant expect me to work my head, heart, body and soul ...to the ground...I mean yes, its a good cause, but you know, the cause will always be there, and sometimes, you have to prioritise whats important in your life. The one that always gets me is "there was this emergency , and who and who was really ill, and they rushed to the hosp and there was no doctor"...now those stories always scare me, that's just wrong,I always think, now what if that were my mum, or my sister, or my grandma?? It should never happen, and if its because I ha vent hauled my ass back to work, well , I'm coming. Soon. In a few months.
Anyways, to get back to the point, having this girl, (the carer) in my house, has just been heartbreaking. I mean she is really good, no one says she isnt. Its just, she keeps wanting to si'i my daughter, and I'm like No...I'm here, i can sii her, you just go wipe a table or something (i know, how selfish, but I'm just feeling too attached right now to let anyone else in...and its just not fair...why cant i just stay at home forever, and enjoy the pleasures of my daughter growing up without growing slowly insane....) he he!
OK, so what else is going on, well, our neighbours have this boat. Its a fairly biggish boat that they go deep sea fishing for tuna etc here in the big island. Not too many people have them. But for freaks sake it is certainly on its last legs, and it dies, about 100yards out from their make shift doc (behind their house) which always puts it about 30yards from my house, every single time they come home. And for an hour theres banging and hammering, and yelps and more banging. They keep telling us later the motor died, and gawd only knows what the heck they are doing with all that banging to fix it.Must be the old Samoan remedy of 'just keep hitting it ' til it comes back on.:) (se'i malepe le mea then we'll ask those guys in NZ/Aust/Pago to buy a new one!) Anyways, its always far too early in the morning and it wakes the baby, and I'm about ready to throw a hammer at someones head on the boat one morning (and go Oops, thought you might need one! sorry)
so yesterday the boat dies a little further out, beyond the reef, and its just kinda drifting and i guess the banging doesn't work. So what do they do, here's one to laugh at. They approach my husband about a boat they can just make out thru a hole in their fence and ours that they've been spying on i guess, with a tiny little motor, like smaller then a lawnmower, like maybe a weed eater size..its a little dingy, like it has oars that your meant to paddle around in, like just bigger then a kayak. And they want us to go out and haul them back in. Now their boat is like huuuuuge and our dingy is like tiny and i just couldn't see how they could figure our little thingy could haul them in with out killing the motor and breaking the boat in half, but that is soo typical of our people. They don't really have that thought in mind, alot of them really do have a use and abuse mentality, esp if they've had all their material possessions sent from overseas relatives and have never had to break a sweat over getting things for themselves.They dont really know the value of things coz, theyll just get someone else to go out and 'buy them another one' when it breaks...as an excuse.
These same neighbours keep asking us for tools too. not just a hammer and saw, they want our power tools our industrial drills and saws and chainsaws and lawnmowers...because, well, they got some but theyre broke/lost/dead/filed down/blunt from abuse....and so they would like to now demolish our tools thanks. Luckily, the boats motor was dead so we couldn't help them out there, and sorry all our tools are being used right now coz we're building a house (they are also building a house, but they can see we are building a house..what they want us to share??we build in morning they build in evening??)
A couple of nights ago, this same family, approached us, and asked us for 3 grand , to borrow of course, cos like, that's the kinda money we just have growing on the mango tree outside. anyways, the funny part is when asked what its for, they said their close rely in NZ got a call from a man from Nokia cell phone company who told her she had won $600,000.00 dollars and she had to send them 3 grand as a process fee in order for her to get her prize.(like if it were for real they couldnt just cut the 3 grand from the 6 hundred THOUSAND dollars theyve supposedly won??) Of course, she didn't even enter any draw or anything- does this not sound like a S-C-A-M to you?? well, we politely said sorry, we didn't have the money, then tried to explain that this sounded dodgy and it was likely a scam. however, i think they're still not over the excitement and persistently insisted it was for real cos the nokia man called them in person..yea, the nokia guy from Zimbabwe whos sitting at a computer calling a million people trying to see who'll be idiotic enough to send him money. Anyways, they walked away with a "just wait til we're rich, then you'll be sorry" attitude and we both hope they don't find someone to lend them the money, cos its only gonna bite them in the butt.
So you see, interesting things do happen here, ...Ill keep you posted!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
death
I know I talk about death and dying a bit in my blogs, kinda comes witht he job so cant really help it:) sorry guys, but i just couldnt help but make this comment, on a recent event in Savaii that just breaks my heart.
Last week, a newly wed young couple, expecting their first child at any moment, got into a two car head on collision here in Savaii. What had happened was the lady had gone into labour, so the husband was rushing to the hosptial. No one knows exactly the details of how the accident came about, but Im pretty sure it involved speed on two cars parts, people tend to do that in Savaii, cause our roads our smooth and pretty pothole free. They think its a highway in auckland somewhere and go flying thru the villages narrowly missing pigs, old men and children on the side of the road!! Anyways, the couple were rushed to the hospital having both sustained serious injuries, the husband died there, and the wife was rushed to Apia. She lost her baby, and is in critical condition at present. This just breaks my heart.
This sorta stuff makes me want to get my A into Gear and go back to work, could I have helped make a difference???If this couple were in Apia, would the outcome be different? now what if it happened to someone I know, I love, what if it were me?? all these questions come into mind, and make me shudder at the thought that this is the environment 'I' live in, in the case of an emergency, I am at least 2 hours away from major specialty services that make the difference in these sorta situations (sometimes). Not that emergencies happen often, but they happen, and when they do you want to be comfortable in the knowledge that help is close by.
I cannot help but feel a huge sadness for this Lady, she lost her husband, and her baby,if that were me, thats my whole life right there. Why do these things happen??Such a huge tragedy to be carried upon the heart of such a fragile human being.
I pray that she makes an uneventful recovery, and that she has the strength to rebuild her life after such an atrocious tragedy...
Last week, a newly wed young couple, expecting their first child at any moment, got into a two car head on collision here in Savaii. What had happened was the lady had gone into labour, so the husband was rushing to the hosptial. No one knows exactly the details of how the accident came about, but Im pretty sure it involved speed on two cars parts, people tend to do that in Savaii, cause our roads our smooth and pretty pothole free. They think its a highway in auckland somewhere and go flying thru the villages narrowly missing pigs, old men and children on the side of the road!! Anyways, the couple were rushed to the hospital having both sustained serious injuries, the husband died there, and the wife was rushed to Apia. She lost her baby, and is in critical condition at present. This just breaks my heart.
This sorta stuff makes me want to get my A into Gear and go back to work, could I have helped make a difference???If this couple were in Apia, would the outcome be different? now what if it happened to someone I know, I love, what if it were me?? all these questions come into mind, and make me shudder at the thought that this is the environment 'I' live in, in the case of an emergency, I am at least 2 hours away from major specialty services that make the difference in these sorta situations (sometimes). Not that emergencies happen often, but they happen, and when they do you want to be comfortable in the knowledge that help is close by.
I cannot help but feel a huge sadness for this Lady, she lost her husband, and her baby,if that were me, thats my whole life right there. Why do these things happen??Such a huge tragedy to be carried upon the heart of such a fragile human being.
I pray that she makes an uneventful recovery, and that she has the strength to rebuild her life after such an atrocious tragedy...
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Time flies when you're having fun....
It has been more then a year since my last post, and so much has happened. In a nutshell, we moved home to Samoa, (big headache- moving!!! never want to move again!LOL) i started work at the local hospital (shock horror, kinda expected, but didn't make the blow any easier- word to the wise, go for a jog...you don't want to get sick in Samoa!!) I fell pregnant (actually found out while we were moving over- yay! ..we had almost given up trying!) the first 6 months of my pregnancy i worked (:( ) and had to live away from my husband as he was working in Savaii- where we were eventually planning to make our new home. never want to do that again..talk about do long distance for 6 years before we got married , then finally get married and think you never have to spend another day apart, and then have to do 6 months apart, and pregnant!!:)
NEWAYS- then I went on maternity leave- yay!! was heavily pregnant by then, and the inconveniences of our hospital as a work environment, such as having to walk to and from the lab 4 times a day to chase up results that were marked "urgent" like 5 hours ago!! was really taking its toll on me, mah back and mah big belly!!! so put my legs up in savaii for the following 2 months, baking every muffin,scone, cake and bread known to man to keep me occupied (not to mention- eating it too!!LOL)...sounds glorious doesn't it? well it was for like 2 weeks..then i really started feeling like i was going a bit nuts..without friends to talk to, or movies to go to..baking can only keep you ticking for so long!!LOL!
Finally, the time came where I finally got to go back to NZ ,to have mah bubba. Up until then, the pregnancy was smooth sailing, not a cloud in the sky the whole way, wasn't sick, didn't get swollen ankles, a bit of lethargy and that was it. My check ups in NZ were all great, until. My due date came and went, and still no sign of ms muffet coming...a week or two went by...talks of inducing me and having extra scans kept me busy. Then one night the contractions came...they hurt like a B+%$*! but were 10 minutes apart..so hosp wasn't interested...by morning they had spaced out to about 20-25minutes....for a whole day.Then at night they sped up to 7 minutes apart..hosp still not interested (they said- call us when they're 3 minutes apart, drink water, take panadol) anyways- this saga went on for 4 days! I was exhausted, mentally frustrated, concerned... anyways, to cut a long story short, this saga ends up with me having a blooming emergency caserian section. Up until the moment they told me I needed it, I had kept my cool...I had been in hosp in labour for almost a whole day, had breathed through the most painful contractions in the world for a good six hours without yelling or swearing or crying....then I was told it had to be done.I had no choice. It was an emergency. Then I cried. Smooth sailing for 9 months...all to result in this. Although I knew very well it was for the best...it was still hard to swallow.It still made me feel like some sort of failure...even though I know, had this scenario been 100 years ago...it could have resulted in tragedy with the lack of the c-section option. I still however, felt that me and my body had failed this one female god given process...and you cant shake off the feeling that you brought it upon yourself somehow.Could I just mention, as an insert into this storey, how painful and upsetting it is, when people ask , if i birthed 'naturally' only to frown and look disappointed when I say no, I had to have a c-ser. Like I had some choice, like I wanted it to be this way. that when they go on to talk about how ' I had it easy' I want to clobber them over the head with a bat, as my labour was anything but easy...and that I did actually suffer the god given pain of contractions- for 4 DAYS damn you!:) that its actually really hurtful to me...to be spoken to like that...that it really doesn't make me feel any better when they go on about who and who had a 'natural birth' which was really good... it makes me want to cry...that is what i wanted... some sensitivity would be nice...
We (our little family) ended up spending Christmas in the hospital, cause we had to stay in for 5 days before they let us go home. Those days were kind of depressing. I missed my family, every moment my husband left me, I missed him. I was scared in a way with alot of things involving looking after bubba- everything was new to me, and no amount of reading material could have prepared me enough to feel confident about what I was doing. When we finally got to leave,a sigh of relief was expelled. But still, it was only to an empty flat in sandringham..while we awaited my munchkins papers to get done.Only when we set foot in Samoa, on the 3rd of January 2008, did I finally feel relaxed and OK.
Since that day, my little bubba is growing into a beautiful little girl. She is the apple of my eye, and my whole world revolves around her now (her and my husband of course!!!) every moment of her little life has been fascinating...all her little silly achievements like holding her head up and discovering her hands...I've deciphered her little cries and whimpers ...its an art you know...decoding the 'I'm tired' 'I'm hungry' 'I'm wet' 'i just want to be cuddled' whimpers!!! i find my so called motherly instincts take me over, with an aggressiveness that is a tad bit scary!!LOL! when visitors (other then close family!LOL) swaddle her and stand over (and frighten!) her...you should see me, i have eyes at the back of my head..you think I'm making coffee...but I'm actually watching my daughter, the moment her eyes tell me she is not a happy camper with all the commotion...I'm there...its mom to the rescue!! ha ha!! but don't worry..I'm exaggerating the possessive mom storey...but it does have some truth in it!!LOL!
The next dilemma in my life now..is work...6 months ago.. I signed leave forms that said I would be up and ready to go back to full time work in march..when munchkin was 2 months old. Now I know how naive I was. now I can not even imagine having to leave her with someone else...if it was a grandma or an immediate rely that would be OK. but we've kinda got no one here in savaii. Its me or a worker....and I just cant imagine leaving her with someone who might not be able to decipher her cries or give her enough attention and love. Now I just want to stay here and look after her myself, until she is up and ready for school!!!LOL! in saying that I badly do want to work, the longer is stay away the more i think i forget...which is not good in medicine. not to mention Savaii is extremely extremely short of docs. up to now...I still don't really know what I'm gonna do :)
To end this post I just wanted to say..that living in savaii is peaceful. The evenings are particularly tranquil..with pink skies and sounds of church bells and chickens ...our family often spend it sitting out on the lawn looking out to the islands of Upolu, Apolima and Manono (that's our view!) sipping on coke (for me!) and beer...chatting about the happenings of the day. At the mo, my munchkin spends that time often sleeping in her pram...but I'm sure soon enough she'll have little legs that can run faster then I would like and a mouth to keep me occupied!! I cant wait....
the end.
NEWAYS- then I went on maternity leave- yay!! was heavily pregnant by then, and the inconveniences of our hospital as a work environment, such as having to walk to and from the lab 4 times a day to chase up results that were marked "urgent" like 5 hours ago!! was really taking its toll on me, mah back and mah big belly!!! so put my legs up in savaii for the following 2 months, baking every muffin,scone, cake and bread known to man to keep me occupied (not to mention- eating it too!!LOL)...sounds glorious doesn't it? well it was for like 2 weeks..then i really started feeling like i was going a bit nuts..without friends to talk to, or movies to go to..baking can only keep you ticking for so long!!LOL!
Finally, the time came where I finally got to go back to NZ ,to have mah bubba. Up until then, the pregnancy was smooth sailing, not a cloud in the sky the whole way, wasn't sick, didn't get swollen ankles, a bit of lethargy and that was it. My check ups in NZ were all great, until. My due date came and went, and still no sign of ms muffet coming...a week or two went by...talks of inducing me and having extra scans kept me busy. Then one night the contractions came...they hurt like a B+%$*! but were 10 minutes apart..so hosp wasn't interested...by morning they had spaced out to about 20-25minutes....for a whole day.Then at night they sped up to 7 minutes apart..hosp still not interested (they said- call us when they're 3 minutes apart, drink water, take panadol) anyways- this saga went on for 4 days! I was exhausted, mentally frustrated, concerned... anyways, to cut a long story short, this saga ends up with me having a blooming emergency caserian section. Up until the moment they told me I needed it, I had kept my cool...I had been in hosp in labour for almost a whole day, had breathed through the most painful contractions in the world for a good six hours without yelling or swearing or crying....then I was told it had to be done.I had no choice. It was an emergency. Then I cried. Smooth sailing for 9 months...all to result in this. Although I knew very well it was for the best...it was still hard to swallow.It still made me feel like some sort of failure...even though I know, had this scenario been 100 years ago...it could have resulted in tragedy with the lack of the c-section option. I still however, felt that me and my body had failed this one female god given process...and you cant shake off the feeling that you brought it upon yourself somehow.Could I just mention, as an insert into this storey, how painful and upsetting it is, when people ask , if i birthed 'naturally' only to frown and look disappointed when I say no, I had to have a c-ser. Like I had some choice, like I wanted it to be this way. that when they go on to talk about how ' I had it easy' I want to clobber them over the head with a bat, as my labour was anything but easy...and that I did actually suffer the god given pain of contractions- for 4 DAYS damn you!:) that its actually really hurtful to me...to be spoken to like that...that it really doesn't make me feel any better when they go on about who and who had a 'natural birth' which was really good... it makes me want to cry...that is what i wanted... some sensitivity would be nice...
We (our little family) ended up spending Christmas in the hospital, cause we had to stay in for 5 days before they let us go home. Those days were kind of depressing. I missed my family, every moment my husband left me, I missed him. I was scared in a way with alot of things involving looking after bubba- everything was new to me, and no amount of reading material could have prepared me enough to feel confident about what I was doing. When we finally got to leave,a sigh of relief was expelled. But still, it was only to an empty flat in sandringham..while we awaited my munchkins papers to get done.Only when we set foot in Samoa, on the 3rd of January 2008, did I finally feel relaxed and OK.
Since that day, my little bubba is growing into a beautiful little girl. She is the apple of my eye, and my whole world revolves around her now (her and my husband of course!!!) every moment of her little life has been fascinating...all her little silly achievements like holding her head up and discovering her hands...I've deciphered her little cries and whimpers ...its an art you know...decoding the 'I'm tired' 'I'm hungry' 'I'm wet' 'i just want to be cuddled' whimpers!!! i find my so called motherly instincts take me over, with an aggressiveness that is a tad bit scary!!LOL! when visitors (other then close family!LOL) swaddle her and stand over (and frighten!) her...you should see me, i have eyes at the back of my head..you think I'm making coffee...but I'm actually watching my daughter, the moment her eyes tell me she is not a happy camper with all the commotion...I'm there...its mom to the rescue!! ha ha!! but don't worry..I'm exaggerating the possessive mom storey...but it does have some truth in it!!LOL!
The next dilemma in my life now..is work...6 months ago.. I signed leave forms that said I would be up and ready to go back to full time work in march..when munchkin was 2 months old. Now I know how naive I was. now I can not even imagine having to leave her with someone else...if it was a grandma or an immediate rely that would be OK. but we've kinda got no one here in savaii. Its me or a worker....and I just cant imagine leaving her with someone who might not be able to decipher her cries or give her enough attention and love. Now I just want to stay here and look after her myself, until she is up and ready for school!!!LOL! in saying that I badly do want to work, the longer is stay away the more i think i forget...which is not good in medicine. not to mention Savaii is extremely extremely short of docs. up to now...I still don't really know what I'm gonna do :)
To end this post I just wanted to say..that living in savaii is peaceful. The evenings are particularly tranquil..with pink skies and sounds of church bells and chickens ...our family often spend it sitting out on the lawn looking out to the islands of Upolu, Apolima and Manono (that's our view!) sipping on coke (for me!) and beer...chatting about the happenings of the day. At the mo, my munchkin spends that time often sleeping in her pram...but I'm sure soon enough she'll have little legs that can run faster then I would like and a mouth to keep me occupied!! I cant wait....
the end.
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