It has been more then a year since my last post, and so much has happened. In a nutshell, we moved home to Samoa, (big headache- moving!!! never want to move again!LOL) i started work at the local hospital (shock horror, kinda expected, but didn't make the blow any easier- word to the wise, go for a jog...you don't want to get sick in Samoa!!) I fell pregnant (actually found out while we were moving over- yay! ..we had almost given up trying!) the first 6 months of my pregnancy i worked (:( ) and had to live away from my husband as he was working in Savaii- where we were eventually planning to make our new home. never want to do that again..talk about do long distance for 6 years before we got married , then finally get married and think you never have to spend another day apart, and then have to do 6 months apart, and pregnant!!:)
NEWAYS- then I went on maternity leave- yay!! was heavily pregnant by then, and the inconveniences of our hospital as a work environment, such as having to walk to and from the lab 4 times a day to chase up results that were marked "urgent" like 5 hours ago!! was really taking its toll on me, mah back and mah big belly!!! so put my legs up in savaii for the following 2 months, baking every muffin,scone, cake and bread known to man to keep me occupied (not to mention- eating it too!!LOL)...sounds glorious doesn't it? well it was for like 2 weeks..then i really started feeling like i was going a bit nuts..without friends to talk to, or movies to go to..baking can only keep you ticking for so long!!LOL!
Finally, the time came where I finally got to go back to NZ ,to have mah bubba. Up until then, the pregnancy was smooth sailing, not a cloud in the sky the whole way, wasn't sick, didn't get swollen ankles, a bit of lethargy and that was it. My check ups in NZ were all great, until. My due date came and went, and still no sign of ms muffet coming...a week or two went by...talks of inducing me and having extra scans kept me busy. Then one night the contractions came...they hurt like a B+%$*! but were 10 minutes apart..so hosp wasn't interested...by morning they had spaced out to about 20-25minutes....for a whole day.Then at night they sped up to 7 minutes apart..hosp still not interested (they said- call us when they're 3 minutes apart, drink water, take panadol) anyways- this saga went on for 4 days! I was exhausted, mentally frustrated, concerned... anyways, to cut a long story short, this saga ends up with me having a blooming emergency caserian section. Up until the moment they told me I needed it, I had kept my cool...I had been in hosp in labour for almost a whole day, had breathed through the most painful contractions in the world for a good six hours without yelling or swearing or crying....then I was told it had to be done.I had no choice. It was an emergency. Then I cried. Smooth sailing for 9 months...all to result in this. Although I knew very well it was for the best...it was still hard to swallow.It still made me feel like some sort of failure...even though I know, had this scenario been 100 years ago...it could have resulted in tragedy with the lack of the c-section option. I still however, felt that me and my body had failed this one female god given process...and you cant shake off the feeling that you brought it upon yourself somehow.Could I just mention, as an insert into this storey, how painful and upsetting it is, when people ask , if i birthed 'naturally' only to frown and look disappointed when I say no, I had to have a c-ser. Like I had some choice, like I wanted it to be this way. that when they go on to talk about how ' I had it easy' I want to clobber them over the head with a bat, as my labour was anything but easy...and that I did actually suffer the god given pain of contractions- for 4 DAYS damn you!:) that its actually really hurtful to me...to be spoken to like that...that it really doesn't make me feel any better when they go on about who and who had a 'natural birth' which was really good... it makes me want to cry...that is what i wanted... some sensitivity would be nice...
We (our little family) ended up spending Christmas in the hospital, cause we had to stay in for 5 days before they let us go home. Those days were kind of depressing. I missed my family, every moment my husband left me, I missed him. I was scared in a way with alot of things involving looking after bubba- everything was new to me, and no amount of reading material could have prepared me enough to feel confident about what I was doing. When we finally got to leave,a sigh of relief was expelled. But still, it was only to an empty flat in sandringham..while we awaited my munchkins papers to get done.Only when we set foot in Samoa, on the 3rd of January 2008, did I finally feel relaxed and OK.
Since that day, my little bubba is growing into a beautiful little girl. She is the apple of my eye, and my whole world revolves around her now (her and my husband of course!!!) every moment of her little life has been fascinating...all her little silly achievements like holding her head up and discovering her hands...I've deciphered her little cries and whimpers ...its an art you know...decoding the 'I'm tired' 'I'm hungry' 'I'm wet' 'i just want to be cuddled' whimpers!!! i find my so called motherly instincts take me over, with an aggressiveness that is a tad bit scary!!LOL! when visitors (other then close family!LOL) swaddle her and stand over (and frighten!) her...you should see me, i have eyes at the back of my head..you think I'm making coffee...but I'm actually watching my daughter, the moment her eyes tell me she is not a happy camper with all the commotion...I'm there...its mom to the rescue!! ha ha!! but don't worry..I'm exaggerating the possessive mom storey...but it does have some truth in it!!LOL!
The next dilemma in my life now..is work...6 months ago.. I signed leave forms that said I would be up and ready to go back to full time work in march..when munchkin was 2 months old. Now I know how naive I was. now I can not even imagine having to leave her with someone else...if it was a grandma or an immediate rely that would be OK. but we've kinda got no one here in savaii. Its me or a worker....and I just cant imagine leaving her with someone who might not be able to decipher her cries or give her enough attention and love. Now I just want to stay here and look after her myself, until she is up and ready for school!!!LOL! in saying that I badly do want to work, the longer is stay away the more i think i forget...which is not good in medicine. not to mention Savaii is extremely extremely short of docs. up to now...I still don't really know what I'm gonna do :)
To end this post I just wanted to say..that living in savaii is peaceful. The evenings are particularly tranquil..with pink skies and sounds of church bells and chickens ...our family often spend it sitting out on the lawn looking out to the islands of Upolu, Apolima and Manono (that's our view!) sipping on coke (for me!) and beer...chatting about the happenings of the day. At the mo, my munchkin spends that time often sleeping in her pram...but I'm sure soon enough she'll have little legs that can run faster then I would like and a mouth to keep me occupied!! I cant wait....
the end.
