2019

Ive neglected my blog for a year just about. I looked back at my sad blog site and wondered why. Writing used to be such an outlet, a tool to keep my sanity. From the dark and tiresome hours in Wellington hospital, to the move back home, through kids, and through adjusting to a rural life. It was always my replacement for not being able to go out for a coffee with friends or yarn with a relie;)

I realize that it sort of came to a slow crawl after some worries got  under my skin that people or persons or communities (ie the village or the workplace etc) may actually be reading my blog. Har har. Heres to me thinking I was more popular then I probably actually am :) But in all honesty, I just didn't want to offend anyone with anything I said. One year, I wrote a blog about how terribly under resourced my workplace was and of the things we needed. A great organisation (through a friend who reads my blog) picked up on this and did some amazing gathering of forces and actually brought alot of donated goods across to Savaii. Unfortunately in this process I learnt that officials in my workplace did not receive this charity so graciously, and when had heard of this "much needed list" were out to head hunt the person who dared put it together (apparently making them look bad etc and not doing their jobs etc) It was really deflating to learn of this, to the point where I actually did not participate in the receiving side at our local hospital (which I would've really liked to because I just wanted to be part of the recipients side, expressing the joy and love I felt that someone cared enough to put these things together for us). It also reinforced the frustration I've always felt with working in this public service  where despite that fact that we are so poorly resourced and lacking in many things ....someone in an office somewhere is more consumed by how this plea makes them "look"" ( ie forget the patients right ?)  and used their precious energy to attack something so useful as donating goods to our local hospital. Go figure.

Meanwhile, life goes on without  crying  me a river. Fast forward to 2019. I've now lived in the bush for 11 yrs  and life has been so full of surprises. 2018 brought tears and new beginnings. It started with my 90 yr old grandmother developing a lump in her jaw. Ultimately this led to an operation in NZ, suffering complete paralysis of the right side of her face, eventual decline in her overall health - spread of " cancer" and becoming a palliative patient.

My Supermom and Superaunty becoming her fearsome full time caregivers/nurses/drs/ and me trying to fill in the gaps for palliative care dr as there basically isn't such a thing or a service in Samoa. My grandmother passed away at home surrounded by Mum and Aunty . It was a tough  time for our family as my grandmother had always been such a headstrong person, a leader of her family for many many years after my grandpa died. And always been in pristine health, heck she had a double total hip replacement done after she was 80 much to everyones surprise:)  Her advice and talks were always full of gems for anyone, set with her lifes lessons. Always being able to share 90 yrs of experience - how through determination and perseverance navigated her family through tough times post world war,  both her and my grandfather always holding jobs and having 8 kids to raise, managed to establish their business build their own houses help 8 of their kids succeed and just manage to live a fullfilling and rewarding life, no easy feat for sure.

 There were few times in my life that I could recall ever seeing my grandma weak or sad. Even when she was down with a flu or an infection, getting out and doing her stretches and exercising and making some home made brew or broth using every part of the cow (ie tongue hoof tail etc lol) was always part and parcel of her recovery. When she began to lose her strength to her recently diagnosied cancer , her body only failed while her mind remained a bright as anything. Despite losing control of her body she was certainly still very much in control right up until the end.

Not long after a loved Uncle also went through the same process and it was a double whammy for our family having 2 loved members pass away of cancer. Funerals for some reason are always a contrast of suffrage but also an overwhelming outpouring of love. I cant say one ever looks forward to these events, but I am glad to have seen cousins I havent seen for ages, and spend time with the whole aiga is always nice.

This year, for fear that my brain was turning to mush, I found a really awesome course finally available by distance - Rural and hospital medicine, something I had been eyeing for a while but had always required in the past for people to go and live in nz, not an easy choice for me. So when I discovered they were allowing it to be done by distance I jumped to the opportunity. Albeit with a bit of hair pulling and panic attacks at the start  (ie remembering feeling completely burnt out from studying 14yrs ago hehe) and then realising I was doing it again , but with 2 kids and 2 businesses to run ...hmmmmm...yea anyways. How do women do it ? we just do...its the subconscious auto-pilot switch I swear...thats how lol. Anyways, back to school I think has been the best decision I have made x 100 and as hard and stressful as it is...Im loving it. I just wish I could find some local scholarship to help cover costs but apparently what I am doing doesnt tick any boxes of any government scholarships these days, and there are no sympathetics votes for lonely one man band drs in the bush hehe. Anyways, Im tired of waiting for handouts so am self funding(scrounging)

And then , after 9 yrs , found out I was preggers in November. Weeehhheeewww. The plan had always loosely been to have 3 or 4 kids...and that came to a halt in 2014 when I was diagnosed with some weird eye thing that i had to take a drug which you are forbidden to fall pregnant on (terrible for unborn babies) only came off it a couple of years later and since then, hubby an I have been pointing fingers at each other as to why it was suddenly so hard. Anyways, long story short, hallelujah. I am now in the throws of nausea and lethargy and just hoping it will all dissappear soon jammit. I dont remember ever feeling this yuck in my previous but know they can all be comepletely different. Now, Im looking at other mums with young babies and thinking yay that will be me soon - look at how cute bubba is and then - daaaannngggg, she just said she didnt sleep til 3am this morning and had to wake up with the baby at 6am awwwaaaaaaatt??? Im too old for this hehe!! lol

So moral is enjoy them naps now while I can right ? before its all over lol. So , heres to a hopefully great 2019. Bring on the bubbs bring on the bush and its krazy ways, bring on the books  ! Will try to not neglect this blog again...cause realistically I probably have 2 readers so who really cares? lol

And another

Here is another thing that I cant get over. The number of job applicants  who
- submit all their school certificate  year 13 certificate  which CLEARLY say they failed half their subjects (like seriously, english 28%, maths 32% etc)  and in their cover letter go on about how well they did at school ??????????????????????????????? unfortunately...the one I read today even had a school award (from their own local school) for top in maths for the class....but their SC mark was a big fail hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....not good for the look of the school right ? But where and when does it calculate in their own minds...that a 32% fail is not something to gloat about ? like seriously...it does NOT work in your favour in your job application where staff are expected to do simple maths :(  I would have just left that off my CV and talked about things I am good at in the community/society etc

and  also
-the number of cv cover letters that sound like this 
" I am a friendly and driven person with ambitious goals for the future. I am punctual committed and hard working. I am an honourable and intelligent person, who will ensure that my contribution to the workplace will lift the level....bladibladibla" my point is...oka oka gi big words about what they are...ae gagu mai le kagaka makuia LEILOA....who is to blame? that cousin from overseas who said they would write their cv for them (mate...a nice sounding letter is not a winning ticket...you may think its some sort of 'ticket in' but once the letter and the person are viewed as non symbiotic....makuia igoigo lava le mea lea e kokoe). Also, there are now people 'selling ' CV services in APia and will write your CV for a fee....what a joke when it is not a true representation of this persons attributes:(

faiaku ai foi 

entertainment

It never fails to bewilder me how people can act behind a keyboard , an email or even worse...a facebook page lol. Like seriously this industry...hospitality ...has got a book to be written by each hotel owner or service provider that would make for an interesting read. The number of times people have just had a complete absence of their frontal lobe...oi..I mean manners...its the  industry where these two sayings don't go hand in hand 1) do unto others what yee would like done unto you...and 2) the customer is always right. Like seriously if you performed number 1 ) better...you just might have number 2) done...but when number one is a loud empty can of elegi...ia mate sorry.

the number of people who have sent me emails exactly like this.

"to the manager, so we really want to stay at your place...at (date=peak season ie when everyone else wants to stay there too ) but...that room that you fit 3 wont do because there are 7 of us. We don't want to be separated but we are on a budget and don't want to pay for 2 rooms ..we want this room (insert- most expensive room) but we only want the 1 room ...your website wont let us book for more then 3 persons...so we look forward to the best deal you can give us- we are waiting for your reply ."

I dont know if its the samoan understated automated faa'aloalo in me...but when a whole paragraph like that does not even include a faamolemole...o le kali lea , lea ouke fia ave i ai

mmm...fa laia

Just one of them dayssssssss

When that gout patient is arguing that the best treatment for him should be for me to chop his gout laden finger off and not....test/treat/ prevent/preserve, like seriously getting pissed off and annoyed that Im trying to EXPLAIN how gout comes about and works and why he has 'paku' or tophy over his joints....eh why do I even bother?

Then, people who just LIE through their teeth...ie educated lady, whose husband called while my receptionist and I were moving furniture this morning and put the phone on SPEAKER phone....husband booked an appointment for JUST HER...then she shows up with 2 other people from her village, argues with the receptionist that her husband booked ALL OF them ( and we are now full ) and then comes in to complain to me about my receptionists ears....uhm I HEARD TOO eh...se soiaia le PEPELO....

people rushing me because they have buses to catch....people unloading their freaken 10 yrs of medical problems because...I just only got a chance to come see you...and proceed to show me a deformed and heeled broken elbow, chronic fungal rashes neglected other medical issues that the fofo said “e mafua uma mai ia le ai saimigi maka” ....oi aueeee all I want to do is CRY....by them time uve finished telling me your lifehistory from the moment you were born, when you went to school, when you went to nz  and all the mais that came after ....list of medical problems ..............YOUR CONSULT TIME IS UP .

Then that guy who says he is sick of seeing drs and his medical problem can not be cured not to mention all the tabs you took and dont know names for because they were your sisters or you cant remember what the dr said they were for you just want me to know I SAW THE DR AND TOOK THE TABS>>>THEN SAW ANOTHER DR AND TOOK MORE TABS..and ANADA dr gave me white round tabs AND I TOOK THEM ALL....and ua fiu e igu tabs....IA, it does not help me one bit...that you know nothing of what you took( ie a name)  and why.(ie a diagnosis) ..you KNOW NOTHING JOHN SNOW....im serious :)

omg...what a day. As my holiday draws nearer...i feel like the patients are getting more complicated....and everyone wants me to sort out sh$% other people aren't doing for them...ie I saw him and her and went to Apia ...ae uma faimai le fomai e vili mai...and its been freaken 12 months since then- and Im also frustrated FOR Them but especially since I ALSO LIVE HERE miles away and people also dont respond to my calls or emails....eh ,,...i want to put a sign up to say ONLY EASY PATIENT PROBLEMS PLEASE THE DR IS UNWINDING... next week e alu e holiday ae magaomia ga holiday mai tomorow laga brain:)