My "eh" story for the day!

So, for the last 9 yrs of my life, I have always exclaimed I have a love hate relationship with my job:)  My profession or my career as some would say ( I always find that an odd expression for me as I envision "career" as this thing that you are working at , and striving torwards some big aim (i.e to be the boss!) ) whereas for me, in many ways I feel like its just this thing I do, and I try to do well. I am not sure what the big aim is, I guess maybe the aim is for it to serve its purpose in my life and make my some tralla to make me comfortable?...But perhaps I  should have picked a different career path to get to that end point sooner and maybe lived on another island, located in a different part of the world -ANYWAYS. So for me, the last 7 yrs have seen me and the job, evolve to say the least. The work and the lifestyle has been a rollercoaster of on call, no breaks, having kids, part time, full time , overtime, and now - my own time. (or dreaming of it!) lol....

For now, things seem to have evolved to being more in my control with the clinic. I set my hours, I chose my days off...that is kind of cool..except when it doesn't quite workout  that way. Take for instance yesterday. Yesterday the sign on the door says 5PM CLOSED. I have been there since 8am and I am tired. I want to go see my kids, my sitter is waiting to go home, I am hungry because in actual fact I had people to be seen right through lunch and beyond, so now I am hypoglycaemic and grumpy. I stay behind another 30mins to try to catch up on some paperwork. Almost an hour after the office is closed I leave, laptop bag, and an extra kagapepa of books I hope to read in hand weighing like a tonne. As I am walking down the path awwwaay from my clinic. A car rushes up..this car symbolises every other person in Savaii as of late. A couple get out and eyeball me..the conversation is along the lines of "uhm, where are you going? we are here to see you!"..the answer is- oh? really..so sorry the clinic is closed, ga kapugi i le lima, le ua ka le ogo. - reply- total disregard of what I said- hop out of the car and hobble over, husband and wife hand in hand- awaiting me with a look on their face that say "well? open up" I explain again- I am closed now- so now they play for excuses, "oh, really, ok well can you just explain bla and bla...we saw you last week..bla bla bla..e vave ah..bla bla bla"...ok lady, I have like 500 people registered here now and frankly..cant remember what I gave you and what bla and bla was for. In the end, had to open up look for their file to sort their misunderstandings out and then come all the questions about why they are sweating and why they have a headache etcits a consultation by force... all the while,me-  very grumpy, cos the receptionist has completely miffed the filing system I showed her to carry on and can not for the life of me locate this persons file number, and in the end just go commando and try to guess all the things done from last week.

The couple , obviously seeing my disappointment with the hour of their arrival, shove a $10 at me with apologetic nods.. and gestures to 'take'the $10 awaiting some sort of thanks....to be honest, I could not give a flies arse for another $10 now, my sitter is pissed cos she has kids and a family she is late to get to, and by the time I get home everything planned is delayed an hour so I might as well forget about any reading..cranky cranky pants alternate personality coming out is not winning me any brownie points as now I am sure they are gonna go spread how sour I was looking the whole time and how unprofessional I was  ...eh, faiaku a foi.  To make matters worse..the man had a nose that was dripping on my floor, so I offered him a tissue having not seen one on him (which of course he blew his nose profusely on) and after they left I found it, scrunched up on the floor, 2 feet away from a very visible red rubbish bin....r u serious??Last week - it was SAME scenario with another couple except they called my other half and played the Matai card and I was 'obliged' almost to open for them...only to honestly pull my hair out about the nature of their visit (I had thought it was some urgent emergency or something) ae leai, faimai ga fai le kalagoaga ma le lakou aiga, kau ia a'u and they didn't know I had a clinic here, omai ai lea e fai se siaki...ARE YOU FREAKEN SERIOUS! It was open all day but still..the lemafaufau or sorry, grand treatment ..for- who are you again?? laga ua kupu uma kagaka gei aso

This is the mindset of alot of people lateley and  it will stop. Because lord help me but the time for being oncall around the clock for all ye patients for me has freaken ended. That is why I have gone out of me own and ended my time a the 24hour centre called "the hospital".... Sometimes, I don't mind if its a genuine emergency/worry/concern from a patient I am well affiliated with/related too/good friends with ...and people ask nicely...word to remember is -nicely. Because the saying stands true that you treat others like they treat you..and not treat me like I am your servant- Open Se-sa-me type shop..nope not da way it works....whenever you want, whenever you please.

Don't get me wrong, its not that I am uncaring and unkind, its because I have a family and I have a life. And I only have 2 arms and 2 legs and I have to decide how much I can constantly be giving out, when I am being given (whether by choice or by force) constantly to patients patients patients...something else misses out and more often then not its my family. I've already lost some of the most important family in my life and regret deeply some extra time that was spent on the job just prior...so now its called priorities.  Unfortunately sometimes drawing those lines and those boundaries can feel like a slap in the face to others, but honestly, there are other choices for places to go, and those places and set up to receive round the clock calls. 

Anyways- take home message for me is- get a back door so I can run away without being spotted and stopped:)


ok, rant and rave for the day...now I need to go take a chill pill ke'i ua stoke se faiai a seisi!!

one day Visa

So I got a one day visa to visit the mainland last Friday. An unavoidable fono I had committed myself too and some empty shelves dying for stock in my clinic meant that I had to go. And leave the kids and hubby behind much to their dismay! 

So, in the usual Savaii style manner, my Friday was the expected  panic stricken crazy hectic rushed sorta Friday.  Down to literally 10 minutes before the boat was due to depart, I am still in Lalomalava trying in my most polite and non rude way to break a conversation between the hubby (who was meant to drive me to wharf) and some diginitories..... Sat in the boat and realised had not organised a ride into town and debated whether I would dare try a bus (after all the commition lately with buses and accidents, and an already sceptic views of drivers anyway..this was sort of not really even an option!) Luckily, I found a seat in a hospital car (yay) and made it safely home.
Had to rush off to my meeting at a hotel in town only to arrive any hour early...( I thought it was at 5...but no, it was at 6) which meant I got to go and kill time at Amanaki (!yay) Which meant I got to enjoy a cold beverage some Poke and limu yum!!

Literally 24hours later from that moment, I am back in Savaii and I look back at the 24hours passed and it cracks me up what a contrast of lifestyles I just blitzed through!

One moment, I'm haggling vendors for cheaper fruit and the Salelologa market, debating with salu lima makers over the prices of salus going up when the number of kuagius in the broom are going down  and scouring for Limu that I used to hate, and now I love!. Not to mention, chipped in my senes for the collection of da mafutaga o tina for whatever it is we are fundraising for (financial member only!) lol...then next I am sat in an air-conditioned bar which has been sealed off for our conference, we are being served wine and cheese with a room full of highly educated and motivated personal and of course my current lifestyle in the bush is even discussed as a topic!lol... fly forward to the next day and I'm rushing around Apia town trying to get all my shopping for da big island done. And the only vehicle available to use is my little brother's homey G done up skyline.

 Now let me explain this car to you. All my shopping to my disgust, has to be squeezed into the passenger seat because although the car has a sizeable boot, 95% of this space is occupied with a speaker. The very high tech sound system that compliments that has a list of MP3 music which I do not recognize (techno?RnB? I can barely make out the words being sung all you hear are base and treble tweaks the whole time! is this what the youth of today are into!! I feel very old...) The drivers seat is purposefully about a foot lower then a normal car should have, so that I feel like I am sitting on the floor , honestly with my legs lying flat on the ground (without a bend in the knee) to reach the peddles.Its awkward, who drives like that?? The car itself is only about half a foot off the ground so I feel like I am literally sitting on the road, Im sure it was higher then that when I first saw it, but I think lowering your car until you hit all the speed bumps you go over in town is the in thing now !lol

 Only about half my head can be seen outside my side window which means alot of people I dont know wave at me, I think my brother and I share the same shaped forehead so I do him a favour and wave back enthusiastically to all wavers which I know would be strange as my brother is more of a furrowed hermit!  The music when only on volume 2, is shaking the vehicle. I can not tell whether this deafness by the minute is a result of the music or the muffler which can still be heard when the music is switched off!! I can not help but feel like everyone is staring at me and its a tad amusing but mostly embarrassing and Im just glad I can not be recognised! .Coz I am really not this homey-G-ish! lol! And in my rush to get home when I realise I really needed to be halfway to the wharf, I cringe the whole way because the muffler explodes (not in a broken way, but in a purposefully amplified way!) and now the whole damned town and oncoming traffic is staring at me!! errhhh

Such a contrast to the horseback riding in the bush! (not!)  but you get what I mean. It was nice, the change of scenary, change of people. change of ware...makes me appreciate the little things in life all the more.

So anyways, back now in Savaii ....back to the grind back to da bush. Until my next visa
ciao

6 month mark

It is now June and I have just realised that I am averaging about one post every 3 months! Pretty slack of me aye! But I guess life has gotten in the way (!) so many things to do , so little time! Sometimes I wish we could have 7 day weeks (yikes!) But then 5 day weekends (wuhoo!)  Unlikely but one can always dream!! At this 6 month mark of the year, I look back and eyeball what I have done with my life. Having re-read my December (sour) post I think I can say I am not wallowing in that boat at this minute! I think December is always a semi-somber time for me because its always low season and crunch time at the hotel where we make all our losses, (!) haha.

This June, My sister is at the forefront of my mind because 4 yrs ago almost exactly, my 24 yr old sister passed away in a tragic car accident. I can not speak or even write about her without getting all choked up because the experience of losing her is still so raw, I can remember it like it was yesterday. The worst of the many snippets of the long memory are remembering that she had asked me to stay behind in Apia, but I decided to come back to Savaii anyways because I had to work the following days and did'nt want to rush back on an early ferry. Then remembering the call I got in Savaii at night from my mum wanting me to pull some strings and find out what had happened (they were in the waiting area of the hosp) And then being told her pupils were fixed and dilated. I don't think these memories will ever fade or become any less painful.  When they pop into my head they are like someone had just whacked my chest with a baseball bat, and when they are not there then they are not there.

This June I am 3 months into opening my clinic. This was something I have wanted to do ever since I got to Savaii. GPs are practically non existent (there is only 1 on the island) and the hospital is always busy with long waits and you just cant do any preventative medicine or educating because there is always a brood of patients staring over the back wanting you to hurry up and get to their number. I can happily say things are completely different at my clinic. I spend alot more time with my patients and it is almost an everyday occasion when at the end of my consult, someone thanks my for explaining their chronic illness to them. For years they had just had repeated medications given and they had no idea what their illness was. Its always nice to empower people with the knowledge of their health and I do find that people take care of themselves better when they understand whats going on and why they are being treated.
It has still been a bit slow and there are still days where I see no one (!) so there is still no trallas coming in just yet! Whoever said that doing medicine would make you money?hehe!  I know I didn't help myself by not having a sign up for the first month and a half!!

It has been interesting none the less. One GP said it very well when he said the concept of a private dr/GP in Savaii is still very new and alot of people seem timid and shy when they come and are confused about payment- some offer me their pensions and ask if I can charge the hospital because the hospital sees pensioners for free!!lol

Some classic ones were -

Mr M from a nearby village comes along. He says his wife saw me and I "fixed" her , she had troubles with her tummy and is over the moon that I had sorted it out. She was so impressed she insisted her husband came to see me . So I question - Are you ok? is there anything wrong?
answer- No I am fine, I am fit and well have a plantation that I work on everyday , Ive never been to hospital before
me- So do you want to general check up ? or was there another reason your wife sent you?
answer- no I dont need a check up because I know I am fine, Ive already had my blood pressure and sugar done and they are normal I am well
me??
him- well actually there was a bit of diaorhea, it was profuse and went on for a few days
me- When was this?recently? has it resolved or are you still suffereing from it?
him- No its gone, it was about 2010 that that happened, for about 2 days, I think it was something I ate...
me- Oh ok, thats good that it has resolved (!) was there anything else that you are worried about regarding your health?
him- sometimes, I get headaches, they usually last about an hour and its always in the morning
me- oh ok, have these been occuring more often do you think ? are they associated with any other symptoms and what helps it to go away?
him- 2 panadol do the trick, but yea, I dont know why I would get one, this was about lotu tamaiti time last year....
him- also I get an itchy heel sometimes, theres no rash on anything , its just an odd place to get an itch, if I scratch it goes away, it was January I got it a bit more often when I was doing work in the wet grass...but I dont get it anymore, but now  thinking about it, funny place to get an itch aye?
....the conversation went on and on like this before I pronounced him fit and well and healthy and gave him some panadol incase his headache ever came back again.

The next week, I saw his wife again "You know my husaband came last week, and those pills you gave him were magic, they have made him feel so much better thank you for seeing him"

Se makua kaufaasee kele tagata se!! :)

I've had a few Matais come in who spend the first 10 minutes rolling out the formal Samoan greeting (to which I am a lousy reply-er!!) I've had a few people rush in with minor emergencies because the Sapapalii river ford had burst and they could'nt get to the hospital (I hope the man above helps me out and doesn't send me anything like that , that I would not be able to help because I am not set up for emergencies!!) People that have brought their elderly on their mattresses because they can't walk and don't have wheel chairs and lay them on the floor in the front where the  store area is...and Ive had to examine them like that (!) ...
I can not say it has not been interesting because it has:) I finally got my car after 4 months of waiting and shes a beauty, nothing flash but drives so comfy and well...I love her...I just hope she doesn't become the bum car running the hotels errands...(!)

So thats all I have for now, until my next 3 monthly update (LOL) take care and ciao!

Patience

Patience

I must admit, I have never been a very patient person. I didn’t realise I was such an “impatient” person until not very long ago when someone pointed out that I have a tendency to ‘interrupt’ people in conversation(!)  I don’t do so on purpose at all and infact was horrified when I watched myself on a family film once!! I think if I look at myself now, its more like “finishing off what people say” because I already know what they are talking about and they are taking ‘too long’ to get to the end point(!!lol- what a fiapoko  and impatient one aye!) Its mostly my own close friends and relies I do this too though, unconsciously and not so much random acquaintances.(so I know they forgive me because I LOVE them!!thankyou!! hehe) Yes I can be very polite and courteous, I think its when I am too much in my comfort zones that ms impatient dr jekyl my hyde comes outJ

Since getting married and living with the hubby and having kids, I have really had to learn to dig deep and work on my ‘patience’ skills. Its hard to know looking at myself whether I have managed to improve on that front but the hubby says I have. At work thought it’s a whole different story! In my line of work, at the public hospital, sometimes I simply don’t have time to be patient. When you  have 10 people breathing down your neck waiting for their “turn” sometimes I need to cut through to nitty gritty and stop people from exclaiming a million times how they have an itchy armpit in so many ways (at night after a shower when the wind blows etc etc) I just need to look at it, I get that it itches. I do try to do so in the most polite fashion possible but I have been known to literally put my hand out, and stop people midsentence (talk to the hand! Jks..nah when they just wont stop after I have asked) However , I swear some days my limits are tested to the MAX. I swear to the man above if another mum brings in her teenage daughter to complain that she is lazy  in a million different sentences while she (ms princess) sits there chewing gum and texting her friends (couldn’t care less) I might just have to fukislam someone…as a treatmentJ  Sometimes I waste 20 minutes of my breadth trying to find out if by lazy then mean sickly, unwell, is lethargic  etc only to discover that no, she  or he is just plain lazy and doesn’t ‘want ‘ to do fe’aus etc… but she is certainly “NOT SICK”  they are healthy, I might just have to prescribe get the h#*ck out of hereL OMG…people please don’t expect the Dr (or the teacher for that matter) to sort out your hormonal kids ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have no skillz for that except a look that says WTF

Other things that test my patience….. crying kids who are very sick whos mum sent them in with a neighbour/housegirl because she is busy at work/shopping/at a faalavelave…are you serious…I wish we had cyfs here in Samoa…arrest them all I say (!)

 People who come and exclaim they just need a prescription but they don’t need me to check them over because they already know what they have , the fofo said it’s a “toalamumumatesilailugamuli”

Fofos who rush patients to the hospital literally dying or recently deceased (giving us next to 0 chance of helping them) and then proclaim loudly outside with the gathering of mourning family that it was the hospitals fault (uhm can we pass a law please to prosecute these people??)

OK..need to stop there because I can feel my blood pressure rising.  Lately I think Ive been impatient because I have felt helpless a lot. I thought once that I cried a lot because I was hormonal, hello my youngest is turning 3 soon so I think I am way out of the pregnancy post preganancy hormonal excuses. Now its just too much emotion. You came too late = cant help you. You chose not to return before = cant help you. You couldn’t be bothered and threw away your medicines= cant help you. Your child was low on your priority listas you had too many faalavelaves and got sick= cant help you.  People, the first step to the new improved you or your kid, is to take accept that you must first help yourself (or your kid) . And not help yourself last . A family rushed in with a kid today with a football of a boil on his tiny little thigh.Obviously he is was in a lot of pain. He had written across his thigh  with a marker “IESU”…(ie this was the treatment he was getting the last few days ) last time I checked, the man above was not giving out miracles. He was also not at our beck and call and we can not command him to ‘fix’ something.  I do believe, that it was with his help that Medical people do what they do. I know I would not have survived medical school without him and goes the same for many many other medics out there. They do what they do with his help because of  a passion to serve. To help other people (or at least most do or should do!!) I do believe that through us his work is done, and people should start realising that.  We are not Aliens or Atheists…

Ok, I should stop now pei ia ua off on a tangent le mea le ua ou alu I ai!!Ok, ive got my fingers crossed I get the mothers weekend off away somewhere nice!!Til then CIAO(myrantandravefortheweekJ )