Why oh why ??

OMG
If another male patient takes my polite "building rapport" -ness the wrong way and decides to share with me  all the weird and quirky things they feel  and dont feel while bonking their wives/girlfriends/whoeverIdontgiveacrap.... when they intially just wanted me to check their cold out or refill their script...I might just have to shoot myself. Seriously. like WTF. Is there a sign on my head that says SEX THERAPIST....ok I know my scope of work can sometimes cover some man problems (and sometimes women too) in that department and their are some diseases and meds that can help in that arena...but old men with bedridden wives who want to describe in detail this feeling and that feeling and then BANG...honestly.... and young men who are like " then when I go faster and faster" when the convo initially started off with "my stuffy nose and sneezing wont stop"....I seriously just want to spew in my mouth....

Im trying really hard to tell myself that sometimes, people may have a legitamate problem they need help with. But more often then not, the things that get described are absofuckinglutely normal and I dont know why people feel the need to share with me. Like seriously. You are crossing a barrier. I am just uncomfortable now. The same way your daughter should feel uncomfortable if you told HER about you freakin sexual excursions....it freaks me out too.

And to add to that, I dont need to know that you think that 'cold rush' you feel at the end ...is because you walked over that grave last week and you think a spirit is floating in and out of you. Like seriously, freaky and then scarey...

I am a lover of signs. Signs tell people all the unspoken stupid things that they should be doing that I don't want to waste my breadth on like "please wait patiently until  your name is called  before entering the office" (and not just barge in on other patients  when you feel like it) and "If you would like a repeat prescription, please bring in your medications or at least write down their names"(as oppposed to "koe faafou mai ka fualaau", and then you ask what they  are taking and they say "kailo")
Im contemplating a sign for the above problem but how would one word it ?? please keep the sexual talk to a bare minimum and only if requiring treatment???

eh se kailo se...