anyways, I have decided, that I am a Guru in how men should speak/act- if they just acted the way we women wanted life would be all bees and honey wouldn't it?? But Ive discovered that men really are from mars at times (well a large part of the time) and women from venus.... After years of being married to one and courting one (!) I have compiled my notes and now- since I cannot bestow advice upon my one, who is set in his ways bless his soul, I am going to give advice out (for free!!)lol to all other possible future ones out there, who may just happen to need extra tips on being da bombest man eva.
1) when a woman asks you to do something, don't ever just nod your head and say yes, and then not do it, or proceed to forget you said you would do it. This will result in the boy who cried wolf syndrome, and you will lose trust wit yo woman. If you say yes, put a date on it, say when you actually will have time to do it, and if you need a reminder, ask your woman to remind you at a precise time (i.e the morning of, or the day before) so that when she happens to remind you, she does not have to suffer the complex of feeling like a nag especially when you huff and puff about not having the time bla bla bla...we can say "well you did ask me to remind you" and not have to feel bad...
2) Be courteous and conscience of 'time' ...for women but mostly for mums and especially working mums - time is all mapped out. What we are gonna do in the morning, when we will have time to wash our hair, when the kids need to be put to sleep how much time is put aside for work, family, washing,chores, etc. So if you just happen to be the driver on an errand with your woman and you happen to see 15 people you would like to say hi, stop and chat, catch up with local goss ( cause admit it, men are worse then women at that!!) do keep in mind that your 'not enough time' woman, is really holding her tongue back from lashing out and yelling "hurry the $#&*~! up"....we really are, and we swear alot..in our heads only! Learn to end the conversation, two men talking sometimes is like a dog chasing its tail, neither has the heart or knows how to just end the convo...especially with a "look Im a bit pushed for time right now"...just do it. Women do, we even almost have secret nods of understanding- quick catch up then a "oh hun Ive got to go pick up the kids now" type nod which will usually be responded with a "awe girl, you hurry along I completely understand!! hope you have time to have a decent shower tonite!!" type nod...comprende
3) if you decide you would like to take your woman out on a date. Be it a cheap lunch or drink somewhere. Your woman will interpret that as you would like some you and me time with her. What that means to her is all focus on her. Do not go on to discuss genealogy with the waiter, discuss business with an the bartender..discuss weather or sport or anything for the matter with anyone other then her. That 10 minute conversation you just had all effervescently with the waiter will remind your woman how long its been since you had an effervescent conversation (like ages ago ) and she will also feel like everyone else is more exciting then her (or you are so bored with her) that you had to spend half your date talking to someone else.You just lost all your good points with that right there.
4) women are very conscience of the word 'nag' so at all costs save yourself and don't ever bring the word up. Try to realize that all our gentle reminders, help to get things done..around the house, in our lives, in the business (if you happen to have the luxury (not) of working alongside your hunnybun!) And we don't exactly have very many other people to turn to, unless you would not mind your ego being trod on when we hire some handy man to reinsert a screw or two around the house...yea not gonna happen aye? So be patient, and sometimes, just sometimes, say "oh hunny thanks for reminding me about that"...trust me..I don't want to remind you anymore then you want to hear me remind you...but that leak aint gonna fix itself !!
5). Sometimes, ask us how our days were, and how we are feeling, just to break the monotonous routines we all sometimes get into. Especially when work is on the grind. And when you are asking questions, be prepared to listen, and then throw in a sympathetic comment, or two. i.e "awe that sounds terrible" "shux your day sounded disastrous poor you",... a nod and a silent "mmm hmmm" is a crap response- just listening is not key, showing that you realised what we went through is key. We will just feel like we spilt our souls out and you just mm hmmd it...sometimes, all we want is a pat on the back or a squeeze of the shoulder... you can do it in words and in gestures (that does not include sexual activities)
6) Learn fast, that women are talkers. We are expressers. We like to share our feelings with our other halves, and be understood. The key for you, is knowing how to understand your woman. Sometimes, we will rant for hours because we had crap days...sometimes we will go on about all our problems...do not attempt to offer your solutions....they are not needed. Most times, we know what the problem is, and we even know the solution, its just the shit in getting there that we are ranting about and what we want from you- is support and understanding of what we are going through. as per before- squeeze her shoulder , express your understanding - tell her she is doing a good job or agree with her that so and so are shit(even if they are not) - ranting is sometimes us just calling for your shoulder to lean on...your "well you should have just closed it" or "why didn't you just tell them to shut up" matter of fact replies were not what we were after, in fact, they are miles from it and you will deflate your ranting women into a small pile of palapala when you speak to her like that. you are soul mates not business partners...
7)Say sorry when you know you are in the wrong. Apparently experts have said the two most difficult phrases to be said amongst humans are " I'm sorry" and " I need help"...sometimes, a small little I'm sorry makes all the difference. The "ok I see I was wrong" is not really an I'm sorry..and saying you are sorry DOES NOT mean you are giving up your manliness or giving in to some unspoken demand that you have fabricated women have...it is not accepting defeat in world war three...its a minor complication in the huge spectrum of life..that a little sorry would make all the difference to a lovely rest of the evening, or a shit rest of the week. Decide and bite the bullet...we have no problem saying it- lets be visa versa when it comes to sorry.
8) Don't speak to your loved one in the same tone you would speak to your employees with. It is belittling, and unloving. We take ages to recover from it, and we have given up trying to tell you how it results in avalanches of miserable thoughts and feelings in our head. Don't do it, respect each other and hold on to that respect. If you go down that pathway, there is one exit and its miserable...keep the peace and keep the respect. you are meant to nurture your love and make it grow. Not beat it and see how resilient it is....
9) all that cliche stuff about surprising her with flowers and bringing her gifts...do it. Even if we say we don't mind (that you forgot a birthday or anniversary) or we claim that we are not high maintenance and don't need gifts...women are in need of loving nourishment and this is one of many ways you can do it. No we know we dont need it..and to be honest, I could make myself forget about it, BUT at the end of the day, we are the estrogen and you the testosterone. One is all muscles and the other is fluff. Fluff likes to be fluffed...fluff her up with a present a flower when she least expects it. You will make her day and her week. Keep it simple it doesn't need to be shiny and glamorous...it just needs to have your loving stamp of thoughtfulness on it..we love it, sap it all up:) And brownie points to you
and 10...
Hmm..what is 10. Remember, that at the end of the day. We all married our best friends (well we think we did, and maybe some of us didn't woops!) friends have fun together. Laugh, enjoy each others company. Go out, have a coffee together, watch a movie..watch a sunrise or a sunset. Steal those 1hours without the kids to just sit in each others presence and arms and enjoy each others company. Make each other laugh, joke, smile, be dumb together!! If you cant do that, that what sort of future do you have in store for yourselves?? We need to be happy, and sometimes, that takes a bit of work, a bit of understanding. Its not all fireworks and sparkles forever like that first kiss...no, it changes, but it grows and you grow with it. Nurture the love between the two of you and don't take it for granted.
ok...das ALL on da advice for the week:) til next time- love Dr signing off right thur...
Note- non of the above advice is specifically directed at any one or particular man. Mines in particular is awesome awesome and this is most certainly not directed at him. We may have been through a few of the above humps but we got over it, grew learned adapted and loved:)
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