Things that have made me go hmmmmm....

As I write this , I am thinking to myself, hmmm...have I gotten over my hangover or not yet?? I can't really tell because I am a tad fuzzy and lightheaded and not really nauseas or migrain-ey...but maybe kicking my ass into gear and getting up this morning really helped:) We went to a small little get together with some good friends in Savaii last night. We almost didnt because we were both so tired from a hell-a busy week but told ourselves- how often do we really do anything in Savaii these days??  But it went on much later then we had oringally planned to let it go on til, and was an hours drive away from home so we got home well into 2am which for these two 30 yr olds who do 90 hour weeks...this was way past our bedtime:)

ANYWAY. So I woke up this morning and its my hospital day and thought- I am going to call in sick.BUT Ive been so slack in the last month and had so many days off my inner goodytwoshoes -always-wanting-to-help-others told me to get out of bed, wash my somos off have a coffee and a panadol and go to work. So I did. an hour into it, the other 2 collegues helping me in ED got called away and I got left doing OPD all by me weeself..me and the masses of grumpy impatient mingled with genuinely sick and dying but mostly all needy masses...just what I need to cure a hangover!

So in the last week- my daughter finished school. She had a prizegiving. She didn't get any prizes but she passed all her subjects- with 36/40 sort of marks:).  She actually sat an exam, actually  3 or 4 exams...with real exam papers with instruction sheets...she passed those...As much as a year 1 student  can. She is halfway there with her reading and can add  and multiply and knows all her shapes and colours. What more can one ask for right? Well, I could not help but feel like a tad of a failure. Seeing alot of relies and freinds FB pics of "first in year 1"...did actually make me look at myself and wonder if perhaps I had not done enough for my kids this year? Didnt spend enough time reading or doing work with them?too much work and not enough family time ? To be completely honest though what I think of more is that  I was a straight A student my entire life. From year 1 up. What I remember about myself is being rather introverted. I had a handful (and only a handful) of friends and did everything the teacher said. I never spoke back nor broke a rule nor perhaps even had a opinion of my own until I was in year 6 maybe?? I dont know  cant really remember , what I do remember is feeling like all my mum ever asked me was "how was school" and "what did you learn" and then we would go through this repetative monotomous routine of "fine"  and "stuff" and I remember thinking I couldnt hold any other sort of conversation with my mum  other then this sort. Then I remember the "do your homework" "you can do better" "listen /ask questions/ask for your books "etc etc like a drill sargent constantly pushing..it was a little suffocating ....

When my daughter started school I said I was not going to do the same. I would not be drilling her to do everything perfectly outstandingly all the time. I would have conversations other then about school and let her enjoy friends and the learning environment- the most important thing was to be wth other kids in a classroom because we have no other cousins  etc where we live while at the same time learning something. And that it was only year 1.....we'd get serious a little later. Now I am wondering if that was all an excuse to be lazy about it? perhaps I should have pushed harder. My daughter I think is surely the complete opposite of me. She is talkative and has a million friends including many of our guests at the hotel who have left. We've been told she is a bit effervescent in class and talks too much and runs outside alot and doesn't always do what the teacher says. Everytime I look at this girl she is giggling or laughing, she always has a sparkle in her eye and ...funnily enough, her hair even glistens coz she has some mean english-blood red/blonde streaks int here (all natural) which makes her look like this child of the earth and sun full of life and love. Im debating with myself now over whether this translates to - comepltely wreckless free willy type child evolving who I should be drill sargent-ing a little bit more...or wether this is fine..she is only in year one for goodness sake.

My siblings and I are a testament I think that success especially in school does not follow any one path. I was always in the top 3 places of classes right throughout my entire primary and secondary. Then went on to do well in uni and graduated and got an ok job. My brother on the other hand struggled in primary, he was always a 'concern' of my parents  and teachers a like in that he was 'behind' the others etc...when he got to secondary, it was like he blossomed. He started exceling in his subjects, went on to land top positions nearing the end of secondary then got a scholarship to NZ graduated on time and now has a pretty awesome job....so I tell myself that each is to his own path but I am sure there is a little more steering I will need to look at. Ok, just stroke your ego that way mmmhmmm:)

All the talk on rape and incest. Thank you Lani for your courageous letter and blog. I for one was in complete agreeance of everything  you said. What baffled me was all the idiots people who did not get that you were being sarcastic- and actually wrote to the paper saying they were insulted that you said to bite hard etc etc....like OMG. Annoyed the heck out of me but this is a real problem that needs real solutions. I can not imagine how many young girls lives are tainted by this sort of behaviour. If it were my choice, it would be a lifetime sentence ...for anyone with any degree of this sort of stuff. lock em up, make em work on maumagas for the rest of their lives  and never let them out. Ive seen these girls at the hospital, the ones who are subsequently left with an unwanted pregnancy, whose families dress them up to bring them to hosp for antenatal checks and will quickly tell you of some loving family that the baby will be given away too...they dont say anything about the uncle you see in the medical report int he file who did this to the 15yr old...and the 15yr old looks like  a walking zombie whos parents are trying to pass off as strawberry shortcake,...or mary poppins..or whose someone very happy and all fluffed up in a dress??thats what they try to do. It breaks my heart.  This makes me go hmmmmmm....

I went to my first Title Faamasinoga this week. If anything it was to learn a little more about where my children should know they came from. I wanted to listen and learn as I hadnt actually heard through any other means of the nitty gritty of our family.. Well I got a lot more then I bargained for because if anything it was bewildering. What Ive seen in the court is it sometimes mimics confession. Some of these people who greet you on the road everyday and share small talk with  who are all nice to your face...then get into the court room and suddenly its all emotions spilling like one sat in a confession booth- except that it is for all to hear!!- that person is faamaualuga and that one is fiapoto- you and you and you...these people are right there! staring at their family or their neighbour they had grown their whole lives up with...and now feel it appropriate to describe such bitterness that was never before seen??? Its Krazy stuff and I hope I will never have to participate as anything other then a keen listener trying to learn something about herself....I take my hat off to those that can stand there and take it with such poise and grace...that is something that surely comes with years of experience and patience.....something I am lacking at the moment!lol-mmmmhmmm

OK thats all for now cause I need to go home and spend time with the kids- til next time
ciao!