I realise that a long time ago, my blogs had a different tone to them. At the beginning, they were a place for me to tell my stories. My happy my sad my remarkable. What did,what became, what happened and what was great about life. It was a place I could excercise writing (not that I think I am anywhere near being a 'good' writer- punctuation much??!) but it was more of a . revelations and share corner. Looking back at the last year or few years, I realise they have become more a rant and rave. I guess this sort of summarises my life lately. Getting older, taking on more roles, stretching myself because of where I am and how life just is at the moment has meant that I have had few places to steam and vent. Dont get me wrong my husband is a dear, but dare I say even hes probably had enough of my oestrogen ramblings and at times I can even see this written on his face when Im having my exclamation mark moment of the day.....so Ive kind of taken the hint and wound things down as I think even he has alot on his plate and I sure dont hear him ranting on to me ..(though that may very well just be a 'guy' thing)
Anyways, I feel like Ive become a bit of a b*tch and moan about my life-er and feel the need now to share...my more appreciated moments.
In Savaii, there are few people that I "automatically" get along with. Ive always been a tad shy (though some of my friends may disagree) but I really felt I needed to 'suss' people out first before allowing them in. Counting my immediate family out. There are few young women of my age with a similar background and upbrining and stories to share and sympathise and understand with, that I can hang with and just be me. For a while this meant that I felt pretty friend-less on this island and really cherished time to go to Apia and just hang 'with my people' or friends that had known me for yonks and just got right along with. No judgement, no awkwardness over my weird moments or thoughts. However, Life can not go on forever in that little circle of insecurities and lack of people to hang and share thoughts and laugh with. And so, life has forced me , a tad bit of a hermit, to get to know people of all walks of life...and now, the hubby and I have a close circle of friends from quite vastly different backgrounds. The Age range of my regular people now differs by 20-30yrs....and yes, I am sort of almost the youngest!haha! But, what I have realised is...similarities and differences aside, at the end of the day...its amazing how despite our big differences, these people are really an awesome group of friends. Ive found that even the oldest of the lot, have little kids in them. Youngsters at heart that crack dirty jokes and pull pranks and from time to time get so drunk they are dancing on tables. They are old enough to really be a source of awesome advice and the fact that we all live on this big island in the middle of nowhere means that we are sympathetic to each others hardships as that in itself is a similarity. I have found now that with age , or should I say "growing up" I have become more tolerant and less judgmental of people...and feel that this is the same way I am treated and received by people here....its like with life experience you learn to just let the shit slide and live life for what its worth , and that is by the relationships you make with those around you and the experiences you are privileged to enjoy. I am truly grateful for the opportunity in my life that has allowed me to do this :)
Earlier today , Id come across a post of a friend of a friends' who was telling a story about a life growing up on her own without family around. It was pretty remarkable as she was really a testament of hard work and success and has done quite well. But this made me think of how much we take our families for granted here. Ive almost never (apart from a little when I went to school in NZ) felt like I was alone. Family, my immediate and extended have always been a huge part of my life. Part of my upbringing, my learning my influence and opinions were all formed on the back of family. This year, a very close part of my family piped up that they may 'change' their current life situation which may mean they move a little further away Im not sure, but this had a bit of effect on me. It was weird because I am supposedly an adult (!) haha...but I immediately felt a little tug at my heart like the part of this person was moving away from me and thats I feeling Ive never had to think of before. It has always been that, Nanas there and mums there, and that aunty and uncle are always there. The kids can hang out at that house and that house and go to their place on the weekend. I feel alittle sad now with this future change as you know how there are objects in your life that have sentimental value? well the regularity and normality of my family being in abundance around me is something close to my heart that I truly appreciate and am sure I dont tell people enough. I remember at medcshool doing a tutorial on death and dying and each student had to share with the group their experience of someone close to them dying. So many of my classmates stood and said their grandparent/s had died 'but they didnt really know them' because they lived in a different city (still in NZ) I was shock horrified by this....I had to share- oh my grandfather died and it was the end of the world as he was the big kahuna that kept the family together and ran it like a well oiled engine, his funeral lasted days and we all cried just as many and I had a seat at the top of his coffin my job was to fan him while everyone came to pay their respects and it was so sad- when he died a little part of me died too...I was 5. There were many more experiences to share but my point was, each lost person to me was huge...and it was really weird that these people did not have similar experiences.
Anyways, often when I am seeing a patient at the busy hot sticky ED of the hospital, if its an old lady, she will almost always sit there and fan me. yes, the sick old patient will always fan me. This is a part of Savaii living (or Samoa) that I love,....our pure and unawkward ability to just share a little love for that person sitting across from you. It always touches me but I do hope doesnt change.
So, 3 things about my current life that just make it a little bit awesome. Despite my rants and raves...you know I love it secretly.
Happy Easter everyone!
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