Patience

Patience

I must admit, I have never been a very patient person. I didn’t realise I was such an “impatient” person until not very long ago when someone pointed out that I have a tendency to ‘interrupt’ people in conversation(!)  I don’t do so on purpose at all and infact was horrified when I watched myself on a family film once!! I think if I look at myself now, its more like “finishing off what people say” because I already know what they are talking about and they are taking ‘too long’ to get to the end point(!!lol- what a fiapoko  and impatient one aye!) Its mostly my own close friends and relies I do this too though, unconsciously and not so much random acquaintances.(so I know they forgive me because I LOVE them!!thankyou!! hehe) Yes I can be very polite and courteous, I think its when I am too much in my comfort zones that ms impatient dr jekyl my hyde comes outJ

Since getting married and living with the hubby and having kids, I have really had to learn to dig deep and work on my ‘patience’ skills. Its hard to know looking at myself whether I have managed to improve on that front but the hubby says I have. At work thought it’s a whole different story! In my line of work, at the public hospital, sometimes I simply don’t have time to be patient. When you  have 10 people breathing down your neck waiting for their “turn” sometimes I need to cut through to nitty gritty and stop people from exclaiming a million times how they have an itchy armpit in so many ways (at night after a shower when the wind blows etc etc) I just need to look at it, I get that it itches. I do try to do so in the most polite fashion possible but I have been known to literally put my hand out, and stop people midsentence (talk to the hand! Jks..nah when they just wont stop after I have asked) However , I swear some days my limits are tested to the MAX. I swear to the man above if another mum brings in her teenage daughter to complain that she is lazy  in a million different sentences while she (ms princess) sits there chewing gum and texting her friends (couldn’t care less) I might just have to fukislam someone…as a treatmentJ  Sometimes I waste 20 minutes of my breadth trying to find out if by lazy then mean sickly, unwell, is lethargic  etc only to discover that no, she  or he is just plain lazy and doesn’t ‘want ‘ to do fe’aus etc… but she is certainly “NOT SICK”  they are healthy, I might just have to prescribe get the h#*ck out of hereL OMG…people please don’t expect the Dr (or the teacher for that matter) to sort out your hormonal kids ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have no skillz for that except a look that says WTF

Other things that test my patience….. crying kids who are very sick whos mum sent them in with a neighbour/housegirl because she is busy at work/shopping/at a faalavelave…are you serious…I wish we had cyfs here in Samoa…arrest them all I say (!)

 People who come and exclaim they just need a prescription but they don’t need me to check them over because they already know what they have , the fofo said it’s a “toalamumumatesilailugamuli”

Fofos who rush patients to the hospital literally dying or recently deceased (giving us next to 0 chance of helping them) and then proclaim loudly outside with the gathering of mourning family that it was the hospitals fault (uhm can we pass a law please to prosecute these people??)

OK..need to stop there because I can feel my blood pressure rising.  Lately I think Ive been impatient because I have felt helpless a lot. I thought once that I cried a lot because I was hormonal, hello my youngest is turning 3 soon so I think I am way out of the pregnancy post preganancy hormonal excuses. Now its just too much emotion. You came too late = cant help you. You chose not to return before = cant help you. You couldn’t be bothered and threw away your medicines= cant help you. Your child was low on your priority listas you had too many faalavelaves and got sick= cant help you.  People, the first step to the new improved you or your kid, is to take accept that you must first help yourself (or your kid) . And not help yourself last . A family rushed in with a kid today with a football of a boil on his tiny little thigh.Obviously he is was in a lot of pain. He had written across his thigh  with a marker “IESU”…(ie this was the treatment he was getting the last few days ) last time I checked, the man above was not giving out miracles. He was also not at our beck and call and we can not command him to ‘fix’ something.  I do believe, that it was with his help that Medical people do what they do. I know I would not have survived medical school without him and goes the same for many many other medics out there. They do what they do with his help because of  a passion to serve. To help other people (or at least most do or should do!!) I do believe that through us his work is done, and people should start realising that.  We are not Aliens or Atheists…

Ok, I should stop now pei ia ua off on a tangent le mea le ua ou alu I ai!!Ok, ive got my fingers crossed I get the mothers weekend off away somewhere nice!!Til then CIAO(myrantandravefortheweekJ )

I love this..

Came across this on a friends page-- sometimes, I cry when I'm stressed or frustrated, I feel a little silly after and tell myself its all due to hormones and over reacting...but after reading this, I feel a little better about myself and my 'reactions'lol - i.e I must not be ablone, and look at the awesome reason women cry. Screw men who dont get it haha!! xoxo


A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked,

"God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart the
place where love resides."

my 10 sene

Its been a crazy (is it not always!) last few weeks- been trying to  finish a hug project but now down to the last few things that I have no control over...and going nuts at the lack of progress. note to self- remember where you live, yes, you are in Samoa and snails pace is = Samoan pace...awe shux.

anyways, I have decided, that I am a Guru in how men should speak/act- if they just acted the way we women wanted life would be all bees and honey wouldn't it?? But Ive discovered that men really are from mars at times (well a large part of the time) and women from venus.... After years of being married to one and courting one (!) I have compiled my notes and now- since I cannot bestow advice upon my one, who is set in his ways bless his soul, I am going to give advice out (for free!!)lol  to all other possible future ones out there, who may just happen to need extra tips on being da bombest man eva.

1) when a woman asks you to do something, don't ever just nod your head and say yes, and then not do it, or proceed to forget you said you would do it. This will result in the boy who cried wolf syndrome, and you will lose trust wit yo woman. If you say yes, put a date on it, say when you actually will have time to do it, and if you need a reminder, ask your woman to remind you at a precise time (i.e the morning of, or the day before) so that when she happens to remind you, she does not have to suffer the complex of feeling like a nag especially when you huff and puff about not having the time bla bla bla...we can say "well you did ask me to remind you" and not have to feel bad...

2) Be courteous and conscience of 'time' ...for women but mostly for mums and especially working mums - time  is all mapped out. What we are gonna do in the morning, when we will have time to wash our hair, when the kids  need to be put to sleep how much time is put aside for work, family, washing,chores, etc. So if you just happen to be the driver on an errand with your woman and you happen to see 15 people you would like to say hi, stop and chat, catch up with local goss ( cause admit it, men are worse then women at that!!)  do keep in mind that your 'not enough time' woman, is really holding her tongue back from lashing out and yelling "hurry the $#&*~! up"....we really are, and we swear alot..in our heads only! Learn to end the conversation, two men talking sometimes is like a dog chasing its tail, neither has the heart or knows how to just end the convo...especially with a "look Im a bit pushed for time right now"...just do it. Women do, we even almost have secret nods of understanding- quick catch up then a "oh hun Ive got to go pick up the kids now" type nod which will usually be responded with a "awe girl, you hurry along I completely understand!! hope you have time to have a decent shower tonite!!" type nod...comprende

3) if you decide you would like to take your woman out on a date. Be it a cheap lunch or drink somewhere. Your woman will interpret that as you would like some you and me time with her. What that means to her is all focus  on her. Do not go on to discuss genealogy with the waiter, discuss business with an the bartender..discuss weather or sport or anything for the matter with anyone other then her. That 10 minute conversation you just had all effervescently  with the waiter will remind your woman how long its been since you had an effervescent conversation (like ages ago ) and she will also feel like everyone else is more exciting then her (or you are so bored with her) that you had to spend half your date talking to someone else.You just lost all your good points with that right there.

4) women are very conscience of the word 'nag' so at all costs save yourself and don't ever bring the word up. Try to realize that all our gentle reminders, help to get things done..around the house, in our lives, in the business (if you happen to have the luxury (not) of working alongside your hunnybun!)  And we don't exactly have very many other people to turn to, unless you would not mind your ego being trod on when we hire some handy man to reinsert a screw or two around the house...yea not gonna happen aye? So be patient, and sometimes, just sometimes, say "oh hunny thanks for reminding me about that"...trust me..I don't want to remind you anymore then you want to hear me remind you...but that leak aint gonna fix itself !!

5). Sometimes, ask us how our days were, and how we are feeling, just to break the monotonous routines we all sometimes get into. Especially when work is on the grind. And when you are asking questions, be prepared to listen, and then throw in a sympathetic comment, or two. i.e "awe that sounds terrible" "shux your day sounded disastrous poor you",... a nod and a silent "mmm hmmm" is a crap  response- just listening is not key, showing that you realised what we went through is key.   We will just feel like we spilt our souls out and you just mm hmmd it...sometimes, all we want is a pat on the back or a squeeze of the shoulder... you can do it in words and in gestures (that does not include sexual activities)

6) Learn fast, that women are talkers. We are expressers. We like to share our feelings with our other halves, and be understood.  The key for you, is knowing how to understand your woman. Sometimes, we will rant for hours because we had crap days...sometimes we will go on about all our problems...do not attempt to offer your solutions....they are not needed. Most times, we know what the problem is, and we even know the solution, its just the shit in getting there that we are ranting about and what we want from you- is support and understanding of what we are going through. as per before- squeeze her shoulder , express your understanding - tell her she is doing a good job or agree with her that so and so are shit(even if they are not) - ranting is sometimes us just calling for your shoulder to lean on...your "well  you should have just closed it" or "why didn't you just tell them to shut up" matter of fact replies were not what we were after, in fact, they are miles from it and you will deflate your ranting women into a small pile of palapala when you speak to her like that.  you are soul mates not business partners...

7)Say sorry when you know you are in the wrong. Apparently experts have said the two most difficult phrases to be said  amongst humans are  " I'm sorry" and " I need help"...sometimes, a small little I'm sorry makes all the difference. The "ok I see I was wrong" is not really an I'm sorry..and saying you are sorry DOES NOT mean you are giving up your manliness or giving in to some unspoken demand that you have fabricated women have...it is not accepting defeat in world war three...its a minor complication in the huge spectrum of life..that a little sorry would make all the difference to a lovely rest of the evening, or a shit rest of the week. Decide and bite the bullet...we have no problem saying it- lets be visa versa when it comes to sorry.

8) Don't speak to your loved one in the same tone you would speak to your employees with. It is belittling, and unloving. We take ages to recover from it, and we have given up trying to tell you how it results in avalanches of miserable thoughts and feelings in our head. Don't do it, respect each other and hold on to that respect. If you go down that pathway, there is one exit and its miserable...keep the peace and keep the respect. you are meant to nurture your love and make it grow. Not beat it and see how resilient it is....

9) all that cliche stuff about surprising her with flowers and bringing her gifts...do it. Even if we say we don't mind (that you forgot a birthday or anniversary) or we claim that we are not high maintenance and don't need gifts...women are in need of loving nourishment and this is one of many ways you can do it. No we know we dont need it..and to be honest, I could make myself forget about it, BUT  at the end of the day, we are the estrogen and you the testosterone. One is all muscles and the other is fluff. Fluff likes to be fluffed...fluff her up with a present a flower when she least expects it. You will make her day and her week. Keep it simple  it doesn't need to be shiny and glamorous...it just needs to have your loving stamp of thoughtfulness on it..we love it, sap it all up:) And brownie points to you

and 10...
Hmm..what is 10. Remember, that at the end of the day. We all married our best friends (well we think we did, and maybe some of us didn't woops!) friends have fun together. Laugh, enjoy each others company. Go out, have a coffee together, watch a movie..watch a sunrise or a sunset. Steal those 1hours without the kids to just sit in each others presence and arms and enjoy each others company. Make each other laugh, joke, smile, be dumb together!! If you cant do that, that what sort of future do you have in store for yourselves?? We need to be happy, and sometimes, that takes a bit of work, a bit of understanding. Its not all fireworks and sparkles forever like that first kiss...no, it changes, but it grows and you grow with it. Nurture the love between the two of you and don't take it for granted.

ok...das ALL on da advice for the week:) til next time- love Dr signing off right thur...

Note- non of the above advice is specifically directed at any one or particular man. Mines in particular is awesome awesome and this is most certainly not directed at him. We may have been through a few of the above humps but we got over it, grew learned adapted and loved:)

The year that was...

The year that was.

And like that, another year is over and a new year is upon us. At least this new years we tried to do something celebratory(!) sat it out in the restaurant, hoping to have a quiet countdown, snacked on fried (expensive as from Frankies but once in your lifetime) scallops, sashimi, nachos and chicken strips (yum)  Unfortunately some random pokers arrived and decided our quiet place was the venue to have a little party, brought their own cell phone trash music and all – don’t know why I got my knickers in a twist its a bar and thats what happens!! Guess I  had just envisioned a relaxing  evening and then ended up helping in the Kitchen ugh...anyways, finally it wound down about 11.30 and the evening was actually ok. The fob savaiians got all excited when we could see Fireworks across the water in Upolu, then a random one firework in Iva!! Then a boat started sending up flares wuhoo exciting...we weren’t sure if that was part of a new years celebration or there was actually someone needing help?? Anyways!!

Looking back on 2012 Im not really sure where the year went.  There was a lot of hotel work, hospital work, some new direction for me at the hospital  and some new attitude at the hotel. When I started in this job there was a time I held peoples cancellation policies like a contract...it is really cos they agree to it, but its such a headache enforcing it that now I just throw my hands in the air and give up.  Its like “Fine” ...who cares that you held these rooms for how many months and now changed your mind cos you met a group of auzzies on the ferry partying it up at some cheap beach fale, you can leave with no penalties just my invisible middle finger in your face...lol. Then all this trip advisor blackmail shit...do this or  i will write...man, if i could write to someone it would be to your mother to tell her what an asswipe she raised!

My kids have grown a mile and Ive gotten sadder about not spending more time with them. Its gotten so busy around here I really just don’t do enough with them. In my head I’d like to be that great mum who plays soccer with them outside and reads heaps of books and does painting with them in afternoons...but most of the time I am pretty slack as. The husbands worse....I don’t think any of those activities even register in his head  as something he should do. He just tickles them with his ava gives em lots of hugs and his dad duty is done.

I bought an ebook from kindle which is supposed to be one of the best selling self help books for communication between couples- I read it and thought it was awesome. The problem with that is some assume that buying such a book equals  a rocky marriage but it doesn’t, i just thought some advice on how to do it better would be useful. I know silent wars and silent treatment is not exactly good communication so I was open for advice. Unfortunately  someone else thought I was brainwashed by a book that’s only purpose was to make money and brainwash people. With that attitude the book got the bin and we are back to the silent treatment...sucks to be me

I prayed more in Family Lotu time...like exactly 3 times maybe.. I really have nothing against our church here or the religion  but I am so not used to the way that we pray now. The Samoan style of allocating someone to ask for forgiveness and give thanks etc. It all sounds so good in Samoan, but coz Im shit as Samoan I have to do it in English and when you translate literally what people pray in Samoan – in English it just sounds Dumb. The first time i got ‘nominated’ to say something i almost wet my pants! It was such an unexpected impromptu prayer that I was really very embarrassed about not being better at...my relatives kind of patted me on the back after...like that says something about that performance!! I really miss my own church, despite the fact that we barely ever went in the last 10 years, I think I just miss it being in English. Such a palagi of me, but at least I could follow what was being preached and related and felt inspired or awed. Nowadays I struggle so much just to understand literally what each word in a sentence means that I don’t even know what the heck is being spoken about...it just becomes a bit disillusioning (if there is such a word) and honestly means that its become almost a chore and not what it is meant to be...

The Village...so the hubby got titled this year. It was an experience never to forget. I am not sure if I played my part well and was even surprised to hear I had a new name..a “Tausi’’ or wife of a Matai. I had never even heard of that word before this. How useless am i!! Funny though the hierarchy of our Samoan system. Some woman came up to me after and was jokingly congratulating me on this new ‘status’ and said something like I can now boss around all the other woman..like wa? I don’t eve ‘want’ to do thatJ ?  The obligation of contributing to ridiculous fundraisers is still ongoing. I don’t even want to get into the nitty gritty about that but just give when Im asked. Today i was told its $150 next weekend...ok. 

We had a cyclone. It didn’t really affect Savaii, the worst thing for us was the ferries being cancelled and so 22 persons wanting to extend their holidays when all we were wanting to do was hide with our kids...instead we were making pots of food occasionally by candlelight and convincing guests that it was unlikely to be possible to get a taxi in the middle of the storm to go visit friends a few miles away. And the shops were all closed because there was a cyclone in progress....no shit.  The damage in Apia was unbelievable. I can not really comprehend what some people in the worst hit areas had to go through, stories of being saved by climbing into an idle boat lying in the lawn for yonks is just crazy. I pray that all those people make a steady recovery and hope that are getting the support and help they need...

Its now been 5 years since I moved to Hawaii, oh Savaii...and to be honest, i really hope  that in another 5 years Im not doing the same thing...or at least I hope to have been on 5 holidays...sometimes I feel like Im rotting my life away here...sometimes i tell myself to be more grateful for the things I have in my life...its a constant rollercoaster between those variables in Savaii...oh the life in the bush!I aint gonna sugar coat it or lie about it, its trying and isolating at times, often I feel out of place or like a complete dimwit for lack of knowing something that apparently all Samoans know!  but I think I have a bit of a hermit side so the most important lack of socialising - being amiss  I  am actually surviving, but doesn’t stop me from peering on the other side of the fence and looking at what shades of green their grass is! 

 When people ask ‘how do you do it’ i just want to throw rocks at them...i don’t know i just do. I got married moved had kids and here I am.  What to look forward to in 2013? Well i should be getting a car soon, from japan, hopefully non radiated from their recent nuclear power meltdown, on time and dent free...blardy taken a freaken long tim e(note I was promised a 6 week turnaround time in September- it is now January and don’t buy your cars from prosper in Japan) ..hopefully a new pool  put in for the hotel that I  can float in and drink wine at midnight to drown my sorrows for lack of any other outrageous avenue to turn to (no where to run less i have to catch a boat  no one to run to...oh the joys of the bush!)  hmm what else,... oh my clinic..yea watch this space on thatJ ... I really need a holiday but before that- note to self, renew passport, renew husbands passport, renew husbands visa...save some trallas and just do it ..do it..as the nike ad says..

Ok thats my two sene for this first day of Jan. Lets await what 2013 has to bring  and hope only for good things!!