This is your brain...overheated!!

I am giving myself exactly 15 minutes to blog....basically because I need it:) lately, my life has felt like a chaotic ball of buzzing wires. I feel like I am just all over the place. Whats amazing is that I still get people asking "how do you do it" meanwhile...I feel like I am not doing 'it' or 'anything' really......" It"-  has got to be the most palafu, chaotic, disorganised farce of a something, resembling a  life that is mines....and I couldnt possibly recommend that anyone ever look at me to find any sort of answers. Infact, I am almost positive that when you look at me better under a miscroscope, you will see that I am just a walking mass of a trillion different bacteria..or whatever that represents,.....you get my drift.

Someone put this up on their facebook post

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk

And I just loved it.  Right there, he said it. Womens brains are just a ball of wires all firing off at the same time, meanwhile...men have boxes. I WANT BOXES TOO DAMMIT> Boxes sound organised, clean, time adjusted....thats what I want, but I feel like no matter how much I try or how good intentions I may have, my desk will always end up with some of my patients things, some invoices for the hotel..something the accountant is chasing up from 5 yrs ago...my mums crazy texts to "please ring me when you have time"s...like 100 postix of reminders to do things like pick up kids, drop off car, get this fixed, pay rent, go to hospital ...and radi radi ra....and at the end of the day I feel like I havent done half of it all. BUGGER.

Dont ask me how I do it coz honestly, I dont. It might look like I do...or maybe Im just in a "position" to do lots of sh*t...but what needs doing and what gets done is a crazy tornado of momentum but not much aim and achievement  I feel. 

Which brings me back to men and women. I loved that guys little lecture (above)  I really do...but what I find hard is....getting men to listen to that sort of stuff. Ive read a book with similar explanations and teachings and both I found really enlightening. But trying to repeat that to the hubby just doesnt come out with the same flare and then ends up sounding dumb and like a bunch of rant rant radi ra...typical women over-anylysing everything crap..... to which my husband does not respond with the same excitement over revelations as I did. CRAP. 

So anyways, we are going on a 4 day break next week and I cant wait. I just want to go and switch OFF> Sure I dread leaving my kids and am worried about the businesses left behind...but I really need to go recharge somewhere...the hubby has semibugged me to "look stuff up to do" while we are on break...but to be honest...If I just sat on a chair within close proximity to food drink and a bathroom and just slept and read a book....that would be enough. Like I have read a book other then a bloomin text book for the last 10 yrs...nope , havent . Im sure he could sleep the entire 4 days as well with the rate he is always needing sleep so that might be the summary of what happened on our 4 day getaway right thur!!lol! looking forward to it ANYWAYS!!

1st of November

Its that time of the year again. The first of November arrived and passed and suddenly, there is a whirlwind of anxiety?? in the air. Before you know it...Christmas is here. New years is here and  then another year is here OMG. On the 1st of November, the things that always run through my mind are

1) Cyclone season.
This year, cyclone season (or the 1st of November) actually started off (in Savaii anyways) with wind and gusts and torrential rain. To put it ironically, I was actually sh$%*ing my pants that a cyclone was actually going to hit. What the!!  So I dont like that. I dont like living a boat ride away from my parents and family..ie a boat that could stop sailing, the port could get damaged the reef could  get battered and even a sailing ship could not leave!!OMG..those are all the thoughts in my head. PLease let all the digicel posts stay up so we can keep in touch by phone with everyone!!

2) Insurance
Why the hell did we not just go on and get the darned insurance (bar the too expensive too complicated excuses ) ....now I really should just go and get it. And then get a loan too as well.

3) Flying. I might have to go to NZ for a short trip and as much as that is woop di doo- get some shopping- type thrill, I would hate to fly through bad weather. On the news today, Air NZ pilot suffers an aneurysm moments after landing in Auckland....OMG. That and the weather is enough to put me off. Eh se kao ia se. Pala'ai kele.

4) Christmas.
Every year we make the family oriented decision to close our business down for Christmas, both to give all our staff the priveledge of this family oriented holiday and to Celebrate Christmas itself, and because its our Daughters birthday on the 23rd. And then we never really get around to planning something great. We might have a BBQ here..a dinner there...but sometimes we are left thinking...well we could have actually done that and kept our business open. Last year we went to a beach resort on the other side of Upolu. And it was shit. To put it bluntly.  Big white elephant of  a resort with crap service and crap food...is just what people who run a hotel/bar and restaurant DONT want to be faced with on their one break a year. Thanks much Samoa Hide..........resort. Lets just leave it there shall we. Now , scratching my head over ideas of something fun/great/fantastic to do that I wont get an earful for the rest of the year from my hubby for!

5) New years resolutions?
nah..I dont actually think about that. What is the use of making up a resolution which is basically something you've wanted already all along and just not had the will power to do/achieve/go out and get- what difference does announcing it on the 1st of Jan actually do to motivate you?? I would rather watch Dr Phil or listen to TOny Robinson and try to get an inch more motivated then I am now..realistically might do better then me saying this silently in my head (lose weight this year bla bla)

6) Getting Old.
Well, This season doesnt make me feel like I am getting old but after talking about the above 5.. I do suddenly realise that these cycles happen every year and I am definitely not getting any younger.  Some days, I worry about what the heck I am doing with my life or we are doing with our lives. When did this become part of our future plan? But then I look at my father in law. The English man from England, who many centuries ago actually caught a ship to the southern hemisphere met his wife and moved to Samoa. And now has been here yonks. Had dedicated his whole life to this island living, and in Savaii too.  And I think well here is a person who gave up everything for them. His wife, their future, their land, their place in the village the aiga. And I wonder whether I am doing that or whether I am being selfish thinking about me all the time?

On a side note..this morning I watched while a over-testosteroned male was yelling at one of our aigas staff members, and my father in law stepped in to calm things down and explain the situation. Then this dickhead of a local man got louder and even almost got out of his car pe fia fusu ea  while my father in law was being his quiet pleasant old self speaking slowly and clearing about what had happened(as it was, it was just a small error with change which had been corrected) and I had to hold myself back from geting involved- just about walked over to bring out the mufasa in me. (called the men in my family instead to "come to the shop now" and be around..ie this old man is like 50kg and the demented guy is like 200kg !) I dont know what it is but sometimes, I think when locals have a palagi intervene on something, they get over inflatted egos and then go fluffing their feathers and flexing their muscles...calm the dick down mate. Ke vaai aku a o le palagi paee  e le kaikai lava ga fia fusu ma oe..ae fia faa-aliali  a lou temper/power ki'o. Koeaikiki ou aluaku kui oe se antipsychotic.

 Anyways...theres my rant for the day.

ciao

Touch wood

Thank goodness for this immune system. If this is what the man above has dealt me in my line of work I am seriously grateful. It always surprises me how much contagions  I have around me and yet I always miss out or rarely get affected. This week, I have my youngest down with a nasty cold...cough snot fevers and sweat is what it is. How she manages to still have smiles and her usual cheek in her I dont know, shes my little fairy princess. The next one up has caught chicken pox. I am almost entirely sure it is from school and maybe even from some kids we give a ride to everyday because one by one a family of 3 has become just one child coming as the others are 'sick'...hmmm..anyways. Chicken pox is nasty. Its everywhere, in her hair behind her ears,  down her back and in places she cant reach. Its itchy as anything and my eldest daughter is as miserable as anything. Im trying to put every anti-itch thing you can put on it as well as an anti-itch tab at night and she is still miserable. Bless her little soul always the obediant daughter- having been told not to scratch she will just sstand there and jump up and down wailing "Im so itchyyyyyy!"...its heartbreaking but Im nursing her through it...

And last but not the least, Dad has got the good old chikungunya. Thankyou american Samoa, thankyou south america.. or wherever this came from. He has it full blown, rash, fever, itch, sore joints, headache, not an ounce of energy and in bed all day. Thank goodness for the babysitter or I would have had to shut 2 businesses down to care for this lot. Luckily Im only a hop away from home so in and out all day to check on these 3. Its been a week now and I was waiting to see when I would get something....but alas..the week is almost up and surely this lot should be going downhill from now on a recovery road and not so much as a sniffle from me. I remember feeling like this at the hospital too. When in outpatient with almost zilch hygein and infection control..and still...never caught anything.

Well its touch wood, that I actually don't get infected who knows...maybe next week Ill come down with something but I am counting my lucky stars for being spared and being able to care for all these sickies in the house.

Please keep spraying your homes because as far as I am concerned, Chiku is still around and in full force  (esp in Savaii)

Some Days

Some days, are just mung days

 And I am dying..in Savaii.

I would rather be in a two piece, at a luau..

That Ive never been to or seen, in Hawaii.

( if I had a body to go with that

Would be great, lose half my fat

Love handles apparently I am told

Guys like a little more curves to hold)

Some days…and just crap days

That I feel like wasted space..wasting oxygen

And other days , are fun days

I'm a blast and can climb a mountain.

I can’t quite decide…if I want to hide, or thrive…

If I want to be here..or leave here…

If I am happy or sad…if life is good or bad…

The torture of confusion…is draining.

Some days..people say

How lucky we are to live here

So peaceful and quiet and just lovely

To be here…to work here to while here…

Other days, I am asked “how I do it’

Like an offer of sympathy

How I stand it, live without it..make it through it

A realization of something sacrificed

Something nice? It?

As I said,

Some days, are just mung days

 And I am dying..in Savaii.